Label Instructions

Just In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".

(but that's totally the best time to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Frito's: "You could be a winner - No purchase necessary - Details inside".

(the shoplifter special perhaps?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".

(don't use it like that tricky irregular soap.


On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".

(just a suggestion, of course.


On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom): "Do not turn upside down".

(a bit late for that one, dontchathink?)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".

(ya don't say???)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".

(but this would save me a whole lotta time, man...)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.


On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".

(good thing I'm taking this stuff to stay awake.


On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".

(as opposed to...what?)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts".

(now THAT is a news flash if I've ever heard one.


On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".

(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".

(But what about the famous Swedish Chainsaw-Ball-Stop event in the Olympics???)

Uploaded 05/09/2008
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