Letemdangle's Tips for Spring Cooking.

It's spring already and a lot of you are wondering - how do I do I feed my girlfriend, so that she  eats healthfully. I know how important it is to eat well so I'll help you. But first I'll answer some frequently asked questions.

Letemdangle MAIL

"Letemdangle, you are so handsome and your legs are so powerful. What do you do to keep your perfect shape?" - Adrian from Albuquerque

Working out is very important. Don't bother with morning jogging or the gym - do someting you enjoy - like tennis or swimming. This way you won't gain weight once you stop working out. Oh, and eating home cooked meals  helps too.

Letemdangle, you write about such great recipes, what is your inspiration?- Sparks
I'm glad you asked Sparks. Great recipes are a combination of well known cooking practices and imagination. Some people are not capable of these attributes, preferring to rely on self centeredness  and arrogance instead.

"Letemdangle, you're such an arrogant bastard. I hate you. You'll never be a respected renovator like me and work 70 hours a day. You'll never hot glue houses together like I do. Love" - Rednote, New Orleans

I like to watch penises jump from tree to tree. I could do that for hours. (watching them, not jumping from tree to tree like a squirrel)- MrsNekoJeans



Hahahaha. You said "ship".

Letemdangle, Do you have any homeopathic meal ideas for black balls?- Tomlet

Kiss+My+Sumo+Ass.jpegGood nutrition is an important part of a full and speedy  recovery. May I suggest the Canadian Food guide?

Now for the long awaited tips on how to prepare meals this spring. This year Johnny Dip is the trend-setter. The star of Pirates Of The Carribbean, that movie about demons and The Matrix has a very distinctive, non-conformist style. Now hundreds of thousands of people can eat like self centered glutens!


The most important things in preparing spring lamb is presentation. Which are - the big black eye balls, the nut sack and a colostrum. Look how much you can do with the rest from there! Take intestines, for example - spicy ones would be great.

But it doesn't have to stop on that when it comes for side dishes. The importance of  sucking a man's bag is often underestimated by gentlemen all over the world. During this season, an ecological shopping bag would suit the "I save the planet, derr" hipster cook. Huge lips and all kinds of suction are encouraged.

As for vegetables - there's much liberty here. As long as they are torn or look dirty. Or both.

Truffles are a must (sorry, girls. You'll have to invest). Now a woman's sweat to finish it up with a bit of "I don't care if they call me a fag. I'm a non-conformist, bitches!" touch.

Once again, I was happy to help.


I received another letter from a girl from Japan. She says:

"You stupid bitch, I can't cook any of this shit you call tasty in your blogs. And why are you only giving tips on how to eat  healthfully, you idiot? What about girls who want to cook crap? And I mean girls that work an important job! Like geisha girls. And I want something I can just pull out of a box, my box."

I have to agree. Cooking trendy yourself is even more important than feeding your boyfriend! This spring is looking up to movie stars like Johnny Depp, Julianne Moore, Whoopie Goldberg. But what if you can't afford to eat like them? Go with a different type of cooking book.


For MrsNekoJeans, I propose The Fish Head Lovers Handbook. Having a face like from a horror movie, MrsNekoJeans will probably cook well in a  white sauce, covered with welding scars on the fins. Another good part about this dressing is how it masks her fishy smell. You don't have to show your rug burn marks from your Geisha practice. Now, go out and find yourself an Okiya.
Uploaded 03/23/2011
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