Letter to Cable Company, sarcasm slowly sets in

I do not know how to send a formal complaint, or even talk to somebody that has an income provided to them from a check that reads "-------" at the top, so I am hopeful this will fall into the right hands. 
    I ordered a new account installation on July 25th or so of this year.  I was told that somebody would be out to install on Tuesday, Aug 5th.  This was not a problem, as a gentleman came out to install my HD DVR box to my TV.  He brought out the right box, an HD DVR, and set everything up to find out the box was faulty and did not work.  I asked him what he had to do in order to get me a working box, and he explained to me that it is too far away and he would not be able to do it today.  He made the decision to leave me with a regular, non HD box, so that i would have tv for the night (which didn't sork sorth a fat), and that i needed to call and set up somebody coming out to simply replace the box free of charge.  I made that call, and sure enough, somebody assured me that they would come out the next day, Aug 6th, and simply make the switch.  So I sit at home on Aug 6th, all day long when i should have / could have been at work, waiting for somebody to show up and perform  the simple, 5 min job of exchanging the box.  nobody shows up, nobody calls.  Around 4 o'clock, I finally call to see what is going on, and the person i talked to is completely dumbfounded that somebody was suppose to be out there that day.  So this person puts me on hold for almost 20 mins, assures me that the dispatch office will call me within the hour and provide me with an ETA on the technician's arrival.  But guess what....nobody called, nobody showed up.  So I make another call and ask them what happened, and once again the person i talked to was just dumbfounded that anything was suppose to happen, and she thought i was just nice and snug at my house enjoying my cable that i was paying for.  She then put me on hold for about 20 mins, and assured me that somebody would be out the following day to switch out the box, and that the work order is in and you are out top priority tomorrow!  (this is all sounding familiar isnt it) So, August 7th, I once again am missing a day of work so that I can be at home for the 5 minute simple task of somebody showing up to replace my box.  Guess what!  Nobody shows up, nobody calls.  I call you guys (meaning the third party in Wisconsin or something that has never seen a check from, or office of -------- in their life) and ask them whats going on, around the 2 o'clock hour.  The gentleman i talked to guessed it!....DUMBFOUNDED that somebody was suppose to come out and switch my box to an HD DVR that i initially set up and am surely being charged for this very second.  They put me on hold for the typical 20 mins, god knows what he was actually doing, but when he probably realized he forgot he had me on hold, he picked back up, said that he talked to dispatch and they would call me within an hour with an ETA of the tech's arrival.  (this is getting boring to read isnt it, because it keeps repeating itself).  So an hour and a half goes by, and (sound the drums) I hear NOTHING.  So I call the Cheese Farmers up in Wisconsin you hire to answer your calls, and to my surprise, the person I talked with pulled up my account and they showed nothing about any call, any person scheduled to come out, no nothing.  I tried to be as polite as possible, and to be perfectly honest, I am starting to find humor in how ridiculous this is getting.  They tell me something you would just HAVE to hear to believe.....  when she said it i swear I saw a few angels part the clouds, horns sounding in the distance, and an unimaginable feeling of relief came over me when she said.... "we have you in the computer and I have talked to dispatch and somebody will be out to switch your box tomorrow between the hours of 8am and 8pm.......wait, thats an entire workday....this will be the 3rd full day (and half day Tues) that I will be asked to sit at home and wait for the phantom technician to arrive to give me my HD DVR box that i so diligently want, and I am so willingly paying for as we speak. 
    Bottom line is this....  I am a new customer, willing to pay you for services which supply me with HD and DVR to fit the new color television set i bought in preperation for football season.  I would like from you, a letter to my boss, explaining to them why I have been sitting at home the last 3.5 days and not been in the office.  You can make that out to --------------------, --------------, ------------Atlanta, GA 30309.  I would also like to let you know that If for some reason, this phantom technician does not show up for the 3rd straight day (that would be tomorrow), I am going to need you to come collect your equipment ASAP and refund me of any charges you have already placed against my bank account.  By the way,  PLEASE do not get in the way of the Satellite Dish technician that will be out there setting up my brand spankin new Dish system, with all the HD i want, that you could have been providing to me.  And when you do come get your equipment, I am sure it will be rather toasty in the apartment, so could your guy please bring some bottled waters for myself and my new buddy at the satellite dish company.  I greatly appreciate the gesture, and I look forward to one of two things happening.  1) just said scenario, or 2) the phantom technician showing face tomorrow and providing me with the services i am more than willing to pay for. 
Thank you so much and I hope you and your family have a wonderful, pleasant evening!   God Bless

Uploaded 08/07/2008
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