Life Moments...

Well, I have come to realize that I have a GREAT sense of humor!!! I was married at one time and as you ALL know....I got even on things that pissed me off. And NO that is not why I am divorced...however I remember always wondering why he would spend SO much time in the bathroom! So I hid in the shower. I waited....and waited. Here he comes! He stands in the mirror checking himself out and says, "You wanna a piece of me???! Thats right mofo I'm here, I gotcho bitch!" ( So, finally he starts flexing his muscles and checking those out for 2.4 seconds and then proceeds to sit down on the toilet. OMG! He was giving his ass an eviction notice or something because THAT took forever! Not to mention the pep talk he was giving himself. "Just leave. Just get out ok? I hate this...I hate it when this takes too long." So after he's done I jump out of the shower and scare the shit out of him. Good times. We had this male cat named Colby. Damn cat would shit in the litterbox and apparently he got it stuck on his paws. Well, Colby ended up putting his paws on my (now ex) husband's face and got cat shit prints on his cheeks. So when he woke up he was walking around the house..."I smell cat shit. I can't find it." I look at him and see it on his face. I said, "I dont know but you better find it or I'm throwing Colby outside." That was at 9am. He finally realized it was on his cheeks at 10pm. Oh yes...mess with ME buddy! My ex boyfriend was a douchebag. He was abusive and obviously treated me like crap. So when he was asleep, I put sunless tanning lotion on his face. That shit don't come off! Needless to say...he looked like a sunkist orange when he went to work. :) I put nair in his shampoo and body wash. He came to me one day and said..."Amy, I think somethings wrong with me, I might have to make a doctors appointment." I said, "Why?" He said, "My hair is falling out and I'm getting this rash." heh....idiot. But don't think people don't play jokes on ME! My wonderful son Dawson was four and he always liked my Dr.Pepper chapstick. One day, I found him in the bathroom and caught him holding a fking cat by its tail and putting the chapstick on the cats butthole. OMG!!!! I said, "OMG! ....How long have you been doing that?!!?" He said, "Chapped mommy...kitty chapped!" The boy had ALWAYS PUT THAT CHAPSTICK BACK INTO MY PURSE!!! You DONT understand people!!! I USED THAT SHIT! Never again!!!!So if you think YOUR life is messed up. Re-read this blog. Seriously. It's free therapy. And I hate it when I use public bathrooms like at work for example. I was in a stall doing my thing and I heard..."What are ya doing?" I said, "Um, going to the bathroom? Whatta YOU doing?" Then I heard, "Yeah I don't even want to talk about it. I'm so stressed." WTF? I didn't answer because it was too weird and I felt stupid enough answering the first time! APPARENTLY the chick was on her CELL PHONE talking to someone else. Nice. I didn't come out until she left and even then I waited ten minutes. There went my break. Ah well...gotta laugh at life sometimes, right? :)

Uploaded 06/25/2010
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