Lately, I've been thinking that maybe my perspective is just a reflection of how things have went in my life up to this point. If I continue with this perspective, what's to prevent me from creating more of the shit I've been dealt in the past?
I've become cynical, jaded and just downright bitter about life in general. Am I angry at God? No. There is no God. If there is you can't get to know it by reading the Bible. I'm just drained. I only have enough energy and gumption to look out for my own interests these days with barely enough left over to care about my son's future.
So my life has been shitty. It hasn't been the worst for sure. I watch television and see all the people getting sentimental over a politician getting shot. I see people get all butthurt about the slightest thing a troll says. Maybe I should swallow my pride and accept that maybe I'm wrong. Maybe most of life is good and there's nothing to be afraid of and that I can freely fly high without much care. My perspective has made me feel constantly sick inside.
So I've been practicing looking at the world through a different set of eyes, eyes that have been nurtured and encouraged to see the beauty in things. It's only a start and I'm taking baby steps in that direction because a part of me is still very defensive and protective of what little peace I still have in my existence. It felt good though. Maybe with some meditation and some cognitive restructuring I might once again be able to trust people and have faith in the general goodness of people.
And now some poetry by Gary.