I am SO close to unravel a world wide scheme. After throught... turough.... throughout study on the matter, now I know. Why would men have nipples if they couldn't lactate? It's so obvious it's possible. But there's some kind of a pact. Like guys being tought to hide that secret and act like they can't lactate. So the girl has to go through all the breast-feeding stuff.

How I know it's a scam? Because there's a special term for that - galactorrhea. When a guy gets cought lactating, he's likely to say some shit like "Oh crap! I gotta see a doctor!" And he goes to a male doctor, who says he's got galactorrhea - a term devised by men, so it can be seen as some abnormality.

I watched Conan The Barbarian! This guy's boobs are at least 3 times as big as mine!!!!!!

That's right, I know the secret! And I'm sharing it with EVERYBODY!
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edit:

I'm hiding in a basement right now. I've seen a few guys look at me with a strange expression. Maybe I should've said it anonymously. Now I'm afraid. The Worldwide Male Egoists Association (WMEA) might even hire people to find me. But if they take a look behind the huge pickle jar in my basement, I will be known in history as the unraveler of this secret Suck it, bitches!