Memories of a professional Chef part 4

    To this day, after 20 plus years in the industry, I am still not surprised at what people try to get away with in a restaurant or bar. Here are some examples:


    When I was the Executive Chef at one of The Companys stores we had just hired a new server. Ill call her Alex. Alex had been trained in and had only worked for a few shifts alone.  On one of these first shifts she was working the lunch shift with me. Towards the end of the day a couple came in and sat down. They were the only ones left in the restaurant. Alex approached the table and asked if they wanted to start with anything to drink. That was pretty much the last bit of normal conversation.


    The guy looks up from his menu and asks; Are the chickens fresh?


    Alex replies sarcastically, Yup, we pull the feathers in the back.


    Guy says, Ok. Ill take the chicken sandwich and some feathers.


    Girl orders a burger. Alex rings in the food on the computer system and brings out their drinks.

    As Alex is dropping off their drinks Guy asks, Where are the feathers?

    Alex replies, I just rang them in, ha ha. At this point she is just starting to think this guy isnt all there.

    I cooked the food and called out for Alex. She picks up the order and brings it out to the table. The guy looks her dead in the eye and says, Where are my fucking feathers? If you dont bring me my fucking feathers I am going to punch you in the face.

   Alex tells him shell be right back. She goes and gets the manager and goes up to the table and asks, Is there a problem?

    Guy says, I want my feathers. She said you had chicken feathers. She said you had them. If she doesnt bring them out I am going to punch her.

    Manager, You need to leave. Now

                As strange as this whole situation was, looking back on it now the thing I find the weirdest isnt the Chicken Feather Guy. Its his girlfriend that doesnt say a fucking thing through the entire WTF conversation the guy was having with Alex and the manager.


    When I was at First Base, we had off duty police officers (In full uniform.) carding people at the door. We thought this would deter people from doing anything stupid. Nope.  When I was bored, which only happened during the slow winter hours, I would go up front and bullshit with the cops. I was curious about some of the dumber things they had seen. Here are some of my favorites:

    On one of the first times I was talking to the cop at the door he had just arrested someone for a fake ID. It seems like I had just missed it. I asked him what tipped him off.

    He pulled out the ID and said Here. See if you can figure it out. It was a state issued ID card. At the time the state I was living next to was a counterfeiters dream. They issued their IDs and Drivers Licenses like a library card. You applied and got it the same day right at the DMV. It was a piece of paper with your picture in the upper left hand corner and all the info typed on it between to overlapping pieces of thick laminate.

    I looked over the card a couple of times before I caught it. There was a spot for Social Security number. The number was only seven digits. A real SS number is nine. Just goes to show the Devil is in the details.

    I asked the cop if this was the worst ID he had ever seen. He said not even close. He used to carry the real dumb ones on a key ring. He said one of the worst had ever seen was one night he was working at the door. A group of four guys came in and were loud and obnoxious. That in itself isnt abnormal since we are a several collage town. All four guys gave him their Drivers Licenses at once. He looked them over and said you are all going to get tickets. They all looked dumbfounded and scared. The cop knew right away they were all fake. The dipshits had handed a cop four fake licenses at the same time that had the EXACT same name, age, height, weight etc. They just had four different pictures.

    I have no problem with honest cops who dont abuse their authority. They are for the most part hard working people just like the rest of us. I can kind of understand trying to slip a cop a fake ID. Dumb? Yes. Worst thing you can do to a cop? No.

    The cops are at the door to mostly card people for the night club type bar we had upstairs. During the day it served food to families. At night it turned into a collage bar. One night a really large black man came in. Apparently he was a boxer. No one famous though. He decides he is going to drink himself stupid. No harm in that most of the time. This time, however, wasnt a smart decision. The boxer starts lipping off to everyone he can see. He threatens the bartender after he is cut off and refuses to leave. The bartender calls downstairs for the cop.

    The cop comes upstairs and asks the guy to leave peacefully. The boxer says he is going to knock him out because he is a boxer. The cop says he really, really, doesnt want to try that. The boxer gets in a boxing stance and starts dancing around like Ali. The cop pulls out his tazer and shoots the boxer who drops like Frazier. Then the boxer pisses himself. Some people shouldnt drink. No one should threaten a cop.

Uploaded 08/08/2011
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