ever had a mocking chair laugh at you? i have. it did it tonight. i was minding my own bizness and there was this mocking chair in my view. it was white.

i tried not to look at it, but it kept looking at me with its slatted wooden eyes, it's elongated curved planks grimaced at me. i couldn't continue eating my mince meat pie for dinner, nor drinking the beast for comfort on a cold day. i looked away from the chair hoping it would go away. grow legs and leave.

then it was really mocking me. making fun of my pie by saying how many pussy tails it had squished in its life. the mocking took on a creaking timbre laced with a soprano squeaking, i covered my ears with my hands and gave the chair a one-finger salute. then it moved, back and forth, back and forth. i screamed, closed my eyes, and when they were opened, my pie was gone.

the mocking chair was wiping its planks.