The last part of this title probably should have read "Ha Ha! Just Kidding!".
I've heard this phrase thrown about my whole life. "Money doesn't buy happiness". Bullshit it doesn't! Happiness is directly related to income. I remember back a few years ago when I was a struggling l'il college student trying to make a disposable weekly income of $35 last the entire week. (Thanks again, Student Loan Service Canada for the "generous" living allowence.) Maccaroni and cheese, balogna, store-brand bread, non-fancy mustards (none of that Grey Poupon Wayne's World endorsed shit for me), bowl after bowl of Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup (75 cents a can then! Whoooo!), Mr. Noodle....or if it was a tight week, his bastard cousin Senor Broth-N-String.....and all the free meals one could get. I was miserable! It was all I could do to keep alive. (Although in reflection I probably could have done with the three packs of smokes a week; live and learn I guess.)
I used to scour the area for any means of a free invite to a place where food would be present. I once crashed a Bar Mitzvah at a temple 'cause my old across-the-hall roomate and I saw the lucky boy-to-man was having Dominoes delivered to the party. Good times....lots of pizza and dudes on chairs being hoisted. I would make frequent "drop in" visits to my mum's place (an hour and a half away) oddly right around supper time. "Yeah....no mum, I always travel with a dirty ol' sachel of laundry whever I go. Oh; you're having dinner? Well, I don't want to impose. Sure, sure....thanks. Oh, and don't forget to use the softener this time; my colar was stiff as shit last week."
But to my point: money most certainly does buy happiness.
When I was attending school, I was miserable. Sure, I enjoyed the classes and the social aspect of trying to earn a degree. But the financial thing was always a dark cloud looming over my head, ever present in my day, telling me to watch the ol' purse-strings, lest I be eating cat food next week. After college (yeaa!) I was again stuck in financial limbo. I had just walked away a winner with a debt larger then my annual income from my high school job. Factor in the waiting time for my applications (eight months) plus all the interviews and skill-testing times, I was still left wondering where I was going to get cash. And lets not forget about that student loan! They want payments six months after school is finished....but all my interviews would take eight months minimum! Stress!!! Where was all this mystical money going to come from??
So I figured, $10 a hand-job, $20 a blow should put me in some form of financial stability. It was easy money, but damn if my mouth wasn't raw by Sunday afternoon.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh......just kidding! I wanted to see how many of you were really reading this and not doing that whole "skim" business. No....no sucky sucky for The Big Bad. Instead, I whored myself in a more degrading way: I worked at a coffee shop. Not just "a" coffee shop, but "the" coffee shop in Canada---Tim Hortons. There I was, law degree, slinging coffee to cockbags for minimum pay. Excitement!! It did pay for my apartment, so that was cool, and I got the luxury of being able to afford groceries every day...another plus...but it was not what I had trained so hard for.
Eventually, one of my applications took, I was sent for another eight weeks of training, then put on the job. Goodbye coffee shop, hello career. I had made it...barely. Now, I'm in a good financial spot in my life. I'm still paying that massive loan off, but I'm not stressing over the payments. I have an enjoyable life, enough electronics to keep me entertained, and a fantstic kid who I get to spoil rotten with a ton of shit she doesn't need. Life is good because of the money. Money money money...that was the "x" factor missing in my previous happiness equation.
My point? Money DOES buy happiness. It is the reliever of all stresses, the provider of hungry bellies and the throw-away at sleazy strip joints...not that I go to strip clubs; I just couldn't think of a third thing to use as a point. Need another example? Money buys expensive things like speed boats and jet-skis. When was the last time you saw somebody sad on a jet-ski or a speed boat? You never will! Case closed.
I know it sounds asshole-ish of me to say it, but money really does make the world go 'round. I wish it were different, but the sad reality is, it isn't. I wasn't unhappy when I was not in the same cash position I am now.....I'm just a lot happier now that I am. I am by no means a rich man, but I am a much more comfortable one then I was a number of years ago. (I haven't been able to touch Kraft Dinner in about eight years....a good thing, in my opinion.)
I'd love to hear some other folks' responses on this. What do you think? Is money the be-all, end-all of human happiness? Or, am I just some over-inflated windbag spouting pure, 100% bullshit from his brain-basket? I personally think its a little from each column.....but that's just my opinion.
Thanks for reading....unless you did the skimmy-skim,
-The Big Bad