My Odyssey in Boise

I am finally moved in to my apartment in Boise (actually, Meridian). I am attempting to get comfy here, but it is slow in coming. In an effort to integrate myself into the community, I posted an ad on Craigslist:

Come build a fort with me! I just moved and have an excess of moving boxes... perfect for making a fort. Seeing as I am seeking employment and am trying to save money (read: "not going to bars this weekend"), I have nothing better to do.

My plan is to construct it in the living room and use it as a shelter in which to drink vodka, pet the cat, listen to Turbonegro,�and eat macaroni and cheese (the breakfast of champions/sustinance of the poor).

Sounds good, right? So if you are interested, contact me. Previous fort-building experience preferred. Please bring some materials. Also, you can contact me with job opportunities (especially in the fort-building / fort-contracting realm).

It has been about four hours and I have gotten zero (0) replies. What a bunch of dicks, right?! Fuck this community.

However, I cannot complain on the quality of the womens here; tons of hotties. Unfortunately, I only see hotties in traffic. Whenever I go and shoot pool with my room-mate (at the only bar in the area), there are nothing but bulging young women with premature front-butts. Even if I were so inclined to hit on them (not really), there are always about fifteen wannabe-gangsta black guys trying to give them hugs. Seriously, the only fifteen black guys in Idaho must hang out there.

Job-hunting blows camel chode. I even applied to the prison as a guard. Hell, they could even hire me as an inmate and I wouldn't care; three meals a day, no rent, and all the midnight spooning I can stand is starting to sound outstanding.

Oh yeah... my neighbor is a bag of dicks.

So my Idaho experience really just comes down to me sitting around watching faux-court shows on our�two channels, wearing my big tiger slippers ("The Beasts"), and drinking vodka out of the bottle. This might be bearable, except that I fucking hate vodka. I just drink it because I am quite sick and would rather be drunk.

One thing I find funny about Idaho: it has been in excess of 50 degrees daily here.�On the local news, the weather man always talks about how they need snow (nobody needs snow). On the local news in Montana, during winter, the average weather report features the weatherman shirtless with magic-marker warpaint on his face,�shouting feverish prayers�to an ancient�unnamed�deity�in appeals for�no snow. Instead of a green-screen featuring a weather map, the anchorpeople in the background calmly�slit the throat of a baby goat while the grips stand around in a circle speaking in tongues. Their ceremony goes unnoticed; we always got snow.

So there is a brief summary of my recent weeks, hope you liked it.

Now, I'll go chase my cat around the apartment; it is one of my few remaining�joys.


An addendum: When buying macaroni and cheese, keep in mind "cheese-retention". Always buy spirals or the kids boxes. I find that the Pokemon shaped noodles retain cheese best.

Further, ALWAYS opt for the classic preparation. The difference is unmistakable.

Uploaded 12/06/2008
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