My relationship with lard_infamous Fart 1

Now there are few things that surprise me when it comes to the content of the interwebs.  Zit popping videos, snuff films, exercise ball fails, and every version of Numa Numa..    Needless to say, I was looking for something new.


So I came to ebaums world.  I tried blogging and shit talking, didn't really seem to fill the void that was my ADD.  I needed something big.. REAL big... and that's when I caught a whiff... yes a whiff.  First thought: "What the fuck?!  Something smells of a mixture of steak, nacho cheese, mold and ketchup. "    After searching my entire apartment for what I thought might be cat puke, and coming up with nothing, I decided to look a little further.   I was determind to find what that smell was.


After a couple doobies and some good ol brainstorming.... I got a nasty idea.  "Maybe it's those, recently incinerated, pants that wallboy jizzed on?"  I was shuddering so bad while putting on my, welding helmet, dish washing gloves, swine flu mask, rain coat, hair net, oxygen tank, and vagina-high fishing boots, that I thought I was having a mild stroke.   But I simply needed to get to the bottom of this smell.  So I waited for the priest to finish blessing me, and I walked out into the middle of the field to where lie the bio hazardous vault that the government lent me (just until they can find a willing and suitable uranium dump).  


 There it was,  beside a few random piles of dead raccoons and picketers.  It stood two stories high, and had more political grafitti on it than the Berlin wall.   I took a deep breath from my oxygen tank, sucked back a bottle of Pruel, typed in my manditory 18 digit pass code, and tip toed inside.   I'm going to save you the details of the endevour, but I will tell you that it took me 3 days on life support to recover.   To my dissmay, I didn't find the smell... but, on a lighter note, I did find out that my OHIP covers double eye transplants. 


I couldn't give up now. Fuck that! After all I've gone through? I was determined.




Uploaded 10/09/2009
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