Neko's Tips On How To Get Out Of A Speeding Ticket

Everybody knows that you can get away from a ticket, but not many know how to do it. There's a lot of ways and you can even combine them. The more you manage to put in a combo, the better. Read my tips and learn them by heart.

You need to be sexy. Most of the male officers are straight and the female officers are all dykes. Remember always to wear a skirt when driving and when you get pulled up, make sure you unbutton your blouse a bit. Not too much, though. You need to be subtle. When the officer asks you to show him your license and registration, reach out for your bag at the same time pulling your leg up and resting your bare foot (you need to take it out of your shoe) somewhere on the seat, or hold it high for the cop to see it (for example by getting onto the seat and sitting on your legs, so the soles of your feet are facing him) - depending what's possible at that point. You have no idea how many men have a foot fetish. This is step one.

Step two is when he asks you a question. He'll usually say something like "Have you had any idea how fast you were driving?" or he gives you the exact number given by his radar. Don't fall for that! He'll have proof you knew you were speeding. The key to successful manipulation is playing dumb and calling him "sir" or "officer." Pigs love when they feel respected. A nice answer would be "Mister officer, I'm so sorry, I did not know I was speeding. I need to go to the bathroom fast and I might be a bit hasty. Please please please, can I go off with a warning this time. I promise this won't happen again. I need to find a restroom." This trick is very handy. He'll know you need to go to the bath room (even though you don't) and might reconsider writing you a ticket. Be sure to sound sexy.

Be slick. You can fight in court if needed and the cop knows that. Say something like "It didn't feel like I was speeding and I looked at the speed meter. Are you sure your radar is working correctly? My boyfriend is a lawyer and he once told me that there was a bunch of speeding ticket cases his firm got in one week and it turned out the radars were faulty." Examine the sentence. The message here is "I probably wasn't speeding," "your radar might be wrong" and "my boyfriend is a fucking lawyer, you stupid ass pig." He will surely have in mind that you know how this shit works and might as well let you off.

Never admit to anything! If they try to write you the ticket, then remember you can go to court with that shit. Be sure never to say stuff like "I was speeding a bit" or "I realise I was going too fast, but only a bit." Your version is "I wasn't speeding, pig... I mean 'sir.' 

The phone number trick. Give the pig your phone number and say something like "I promise to drive safely. Here's my number and call me in a month to ask if I got any speeding ticket since we've met." Of course, you won't give him your actual number, but he'll think you're interested in meeting him of some shit. He'll try to impress you, most probably, and let you off with a warning. The chances of you accepting his date offer after he gives you a ticket are zero and he knows it. The chances of him calling you are zero and YOU know it. So it's easy to play out.

Combine your charms, wisdom about the procedure and wits to get out of the ticket. Make sure you keep eye contact with the pig and act like he's the boss and you feel silly. Don't give him any reasons to think you're in control. He might think you're smug or act better than him. It's a great idea to act silly and childish. Remember the trick with your bare foot and play around with your hair a lot.

WARNING: This might not work if you're chubby and/or ugly. You need to be pretty for most of these to work. You can still try. You might get lucky and came across a very nice pig. Pigs might even like some fat boar, if you know what I mean (that's a joke, of course, most would probably try not to look at you if you're fat and disgusting)

Uploaded 06/10/2012
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