When I started with my department back in 1998, the population here in my beloved community was approximately 80,000. As of 2008, it is now approximately 220,000. So, as you can see, I work in one of the fastest growing cities in the country. With growth, come growing pains. Years ago, you could leave the keys in your car and the front door to your house unlocked. There were only two officers on the street at night and they would be lucky to get a call in a two week time period. At that time, my department had maybe 10 – 15 officers. That included patrol, detectives, Sgt’s and command staff. Now we have a little over two hundred officers and a substation along with our main police department. We are vastly outnumbered, and if there was ever a true emergency, this city would be screwed. So, we are very busy and do not have a lot of time to take mundane and odd calls for service. One of the problems we still have in my city is loose animals. When I say animals, I don’t mean your average run of the mill dog; I’m talking horses, cattle and sheep. There are still some ranches and dairy farms surrounded by city, and there is lot of horse property down here, so as you can imagine the livestock will get loose once in a while.
One night, at about 2:00 AM I’m cruising past a dairy farm in the south side of my city, when I see a flock of sheep standing by the side of road next to the dairy farm. Nothing unusual about that, just a bunch of stupid sheep visiting some cows. I was just going to drive by, but there were at least 20 sheep, and when I was driving by they started to run out into the road. Great, I can’t ignore that. If I tried, some drunken idiot would come by right after me and hit the sheep, damaging his car and I would get sued by the driver for the damage and the sheep owners for the loss of one of their sheep. So, I stop and I noticed right across the street is an empty pen, and the gate is wide open. Some clever bastard must have thought it would be funny to open the gate and let the sheep out. I radio for another officer to come help me try and round up these sheep and chase them back into their pen. Hell, if a border collie can do it, then I sure should be able too, right? Wrong!!!!! I always knew sheep were stupid, but I was about to find out just how stupid they are. My back up arrives and he parks in the middle of the road in order to stop any possible traffic, which there was none, but you never know. I am on foot and walk up behind the sheep and yell loudly and wave my arms like a fool. I manage to terrify the sheep, but instead of running for their pen, they run over by the cows. I run at the sheep, making a lot of noise and waving my arms, but all they do is run back and forth along the fence to the dairy. The cows on the other hand turn tail and run for cover. See, the cows were smart, they ran away from me, but the stupid sheep just ran back and forth bleating that stupid sheep noise. Finally, success, the sheep started to run across the road towards their pen, when suddenly they turned around and ran back to the cows. Of course I was not happy and I reached for my gun. Animals that stupid do not deserve to live. My back up yells at me, and I keep my weapon in my holster. I asked him if I could at least taser one of them, but he said no. This had been going on for about 15 minutes now, so I was very frustrated. A short time later, a couple of deputies show up. Apparently this exact area had not yet been annexed, so it was still a county island. Right on!!!! We make a plan and put it into action. I will stay on foot, and they will drive up and get the sheep moving with their cars. Awesome. Well, these two deputies come roaring up lights and siren, and these sheep scattered all over the place, but they actually ran for their pen. Yessss!!!! Success!!! Wait, what the hell!!?? Out of the 20 sheep, one ran into the pen, while the others missed the gate and continued running along side the pen towards and open field. Meanwhile, this one stupid sheep that made inside the pen was running along side them on the other side of the fence. Well, eventually the one lonely sheep ran out of room and smashed into the back of the pen, while the other stupid sheep continued running across this field. Ok, if hit an object while running full speed, I guarantee you if it doesn’t move, I am not going to run into it again. Sheep, on the other hand do not use that sort of logic. This damn thing got back up and ran into the fence over and over again. Finally, it started to break through, but then it got one of it’s hind legs caught. Not to mention it was doing that pathetic sheep bleating thing again. “Can I shoot it and put it out of it’s misery and mine as well?” No, my back up still won’t let me. So, while this creature of stupidity is caught in this fence, the other members of the flock are running around this dirt field, being chased by the two deputies with their lights and sirens. I’m watching all of this when suddenly these sheep start to fall over. Holy shit!!!!!! There having heart attacks!!!! Well, my back up and I run for our squad cars and leave, and the deputies tear ass out of there.
Later that morning I expected to get numerous calls about a bunch of dead sheep, but they didn’t die. They passed out from fear. I had no idea sheep did this. But, we did get calls about sheep grazing in peoples’ front yards.
Thanks for reading.