I’m not worried about these NSA wiretaps, because I only talk on the phone when I am calling phone sex lines, and I think the same can be said for about 90% of people in America.


Who talks on the phone? Really? We hate talking on the phone so much that a large chunk of India’s economy is driven by people being paid to talk on the phone for us. 


Plus, from what I know about these kinds of wiretap programs, from movies I have seen, all they are doing is trying to identify keywords like bomb, Bin Laden, ricin, pentagon, Mohamed, fertilizer, China, guns, Steve Jobs, etc.


So, unless your phone sex operator calls herself Michelle Obama, and likes to tell you she hasn’t been laid in months and wants you on her like white on rice in China… wants you to attack her, to bend her into a pentagon and pound her with your gun until she explodes like a dirty bomb, then fertilize her face like Steve Jobs… you will be fine. 


Of course, if your phone sex conversations do sound like this, that’s hilarious, and next time you talk to your phone sex operator, try to work in the term sexy whistleblower. 


If you are still worried about the NSA wiretaps, think about this. Most of your intimate and embarrassing conversations and interactions probably happen through Facebook, and you have already given them permission to spy on you and censor you.

Uploaded 06/13/2013
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