I'm gettin' pretty tired of the political blogs, the UofL blogs and all the shit blogs, so I thought I might regale you all with a tale or two from my Navy days. 

Now, during my last seven or so months in Navy, I was stuck doing shore duty while my medical board was going through.  This meant I became an office bitch.  I'm a pretty restless person, so sitting at a desk all day did bad things to me.  I also have a relatively short attention span, so that made it even worse.  I started fantasizing about things- no, you perverts, not that...  Well, at least not usually that.  Anyway, I would start thinking about things that were bad ideas to do.  I worked right down the hall from the Commanding Officer, Executive Officer and the Command Master Chief- for those of you who don't know, these are the big wigs of a Naval base. 

For some reason, I'd always get the urge to do cartwheels down the hall in uniform while taking paperwork to the CO's/XO's secretary for signatures.  I don't know why, but for some reason, doing cartwheels in utilities and boondockers seemed like a fun idea, though not a good one.

Also, at that point in time, my favourite expletive to yell out when I hurt myself (I'm a klutz), messed something up or if someone pissed me off was "WHORE!!!!"  Yeah...  Yelling that in office space when you've got the big guys down the hall from you...  Not such a good idea...

It probably wasn't a good idea to follow one of the yeomen around the office (I wheeled after him in my computer chair) while holding a pair of scissors and really looking like you want to hurt him...  It was fun, though.  I liked scaring the shit out of people.  In the job before that, the guy in charge was very reluctant to let me use the machetes or axes.  I can't imagine why...  :D

But there is one thing I did that I don't think anyone that was involved will forget, really.  It was a warm, summer day, and work was really slow.  I mean REALLY slow.  The other girl I worked with and I had finished all the work, including things that didn't have to be done yet.  And we had nothing left to do.  Our boss (he was civilian) was gone for the afternoon, so we were stuck there until the close of the day.  Well, the other girl was playing games on her computer (we're not supposed to do that) and I was looking up information on famous serial killers (not supposed to do that either).  I had a little wooden drawing dummy on my desk so when I was bored, I could sketch if I wanted to. 

Well, while looking at these serial killers, I decided that a crime scene would be something nice to have.  So, I grabbed a sheet of paper and a Sharpie, took the dummy down, mangled him, set him on the paper and drew a line around him- a "chalk" line.  I then removed him, and set him aside with a tissue (sheet) over his body.  I proceeded to take a red Sharpie and start colouring in blood spots onto the area marked as the head and chest on the paper.  I then set up a tape line (I literally used Scotch tape and some pencils to tape off the area) and went back to the serial killers.

Well, I was so intent on reading about John Wayne Gacy that I didn't even notice the Executive officer come in.  He was walking right past me to get to the other office when he did a literal double take of my desk.  He then back pedaled and looked straight at my crime scene (by this time I'd noticed he was there).  He looked at the scene, then to me, then to my computer screen, then back to me.  It's hard to describe the look, but I understood it as he desired an explanation.

"Oh, that.  Yeah, there was a brutal murder.  The kangaroo pen was angry and drunk and took it out on the drawing dummy that was just passing by.  Pulverized his skull and chest.  It was a horrible scene, but we're still collecting evidence."

At that point he just sort of nodded a little, backed away and continued into the other office.  The girl I worked with was staring at me like I'd just made up some strange and convoluted story about a kangaroo pen beating a wooden drawing dummy to death.  Not sure why she was looking at me in that way, so I just shrugged and went back to reading.  At least creating the scene entertained me for a little while...