Panties in the Mail

I walked into my apartment after getting outta work, emptied my pockets, took off my shoes. Same old, comfortable routine. Noticed a thick manila envelope on the table, but continued my business. Important stuff, changing after work. Gotta keep on schedule.


A few minutes later I took a look at the envelope. Oh joy, it's for me. I open it not really knowing what to expect, and out wafts a perfume scent. What the fuck? I tip the envelope over, and out comes a handwritten note:

"Dan (in really swirly letters. Looked kinda nice, actually)-

After the other night I havent been able to get you off my mind. Our experience together that night was magickal and I was hoping you felt it too, so I'm sending you a little something to remind you of our passsion. (A really nicely drawn heart), Your Passionate Lover"


Now, at this point my mind is completely wracked. I take a look inside the envelope, see something, and decide to dump it out.

Yup, it's a thong. Oh boy.


I called up some friends, previous hookup and pranksters both, yet to no avail. My friends denied it, my stalkers denied it, my family denied it.


So naturally, I had to write back.


"Dear Panty-Sender,

I'm glad you enjoyed my company. However, I've fun into a few problems with your letter of praise. I've gotta say, your numerous grammatical and spelling errors really do a number on turning me off. I would like any girl that stalks me/write me letters/mails me her panties to have at least a basic understanding of the english language. So, miss Panty-sender, here: Have your panties back.

(A terrible, hastily drawn heart), Dan


No response yet.


Uploaded 01/07/2010
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Tags: panties