Piss Hands

How many times have you gone into the washroom at a public place and witnessed someone leaving without washing their hands? Today I think I witnessed the apex of the disgusting act. Let me explain:


I had to swing into work to drop off some paperwork. It was my day off, so I was in no real rush to get there. I arrived at about four O'Clock...not my normal "in the building" time, so I saw some people I hadn't seen in a while and some people I've never met before.


After dropping off the paperwork, I stood around and shot the shit with a few old chums and knocked back a coffee or two. An hour passed and I figured I'd best let them back to their work, so back home I go. First things firsts, though: empty the bladder before hitting the road.


I went into the washroom on the main floor, right near the front reception area. There was an older gentleman there already, using the urinal right in the center of the line. (Why do people do that?? Pick a fucking corner!!) I took the one furtherst from him and, well, pissed. Even though he had been there before me, we finished at about the same time...old people bladders, right? Anyway, I zipped up and happened to glance over to the guy. For some reason, he was shaking his hands in a flicking motion with a squinty look on his face. He looked up and saw me, faked a smile, wiped his hands on his pants and headed to the sinks.


I discreetly passed where he was flicking his hands and saw tiny liquid droplets on the floor. I guess he got piss on his hands. Gross.


Anyway, I went to the sinks and noticed that all the guy was doing was looking into the mirror. He straightened his tie, gave me a courtesy nod, and left the washroom---WITHOUT WASHING HIS HANDS!


I was disgusted to no end. Old man piss is probably not the cleanest of piss if any kind of piss is sanitary...and the guy paid it no attention at all. He even fixed his tie! Somewhere out in the lobby a man was walking around with a pee-tie and urine hands! The thought made me shudder.


I triple-washed my hands (keeping well away from the sink he was using), grabbed a little paper towel for the door handle (he would have touched it to exit, possibly with the pee hand) and exited. The first thing I saw when I left the washroom was that the guy was still in the lobby, talking with an old acquaintance of mine. They were smiling and laughing with one another. Whatever, right? Well, old pissy-fingers says some sort of goodbye, pats his hand on the other guy's shoulder of his suit jacket, and they shake hand........THE PISS HAND!


I died a little inside. How often do people do that? I wash my hands more than a person with OCD; I even carry one of those Purell alcohol squishers in the event that a sink is not available. How many times in an average day is my hand gripping a door knob with urine or fecal particle on it? How many hands do I shake that have trace amounts of bodily wastes? It really makes me wish I didn't eat that sandwich I found in the parking lot.


The idea of all this unclean bathroom users really disgusts me. I know a few germs aren't going to kill me, but how would you feel eating a muffin that has particles from someone's colon on it? If I didn't have to work for a living, I'd totally go all Howard Hughes and avoid that shit all together. But, given my line of work, I guess I'm lucky I don't had TB or something.


I'm sure a lot of you have experienced similar occurances. That shit really grosses me out; the though of someone else's waste-bits in my yapper is enough to make me vomit.


Thanks for go wash your hands! Keyboards are filthy!!


-The Big Bad

Uploaded 01/27/2009
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