PLEASE read this i need help 2

well cotinuing my story from last time...

My drug selling chapter in my life had begun and the drug i was selling was ecstasy, and boy was it easy!!! can't stress that enough because if you have ever tried it you probably know that it releases serotonin into your body at an annatural rate and when it kicks in you feel really good and a simple touch is awesome. but anyway i started selling them because the price was right You see like i explained last time my friend jennifer hooked me up with a $20 pill free. well the next couple of weeks i went to about 4 different raves and each morning after i woke up and found numbers from apparently dealers and girls i didn't even know i had talked to during the rave. i don't know if it's normal or not but every morning after having taken the pill i awoke with not that great of a recollection of what i had done the night before, but wanted to do it again. well calling some of these people to find what kinds of deals i could get, i came across a gay guy who thought i was cool and said he could hook me up if i wanted bulk supply. he was a friend of jennifer's and with help from jennifer trusted me enough to offer me the pills for about $3 a pill. DING DING DING CHACHING!!!!$!$!$ my mind went immediately thinking of the money i could make. i like money but had always earned it honestly until then, and again thought i need to change things so said fuck it, lets sell drugs and me and my closest buddies went into business. It was cool because i was the dealer and my buddies were my protection. i put in the most to buy and my friends put in the rest and with my math smarts, i made it to where the same percentage of the money we put in was the amount of the percentage we got of the profit and i showed my friends that noone was getting ripped off even though sometimes i felt i was, but i was making the most money so i didn't care. these were my buddies for more than 10 years. well we started to get big selling "candy" to first timers to recreational users and even when giving deals like 5 or so bucks off the price to close buddies, were we making money like crazy and throwing parties to make more. I look back and think how easily something could have gone wrong but it never did luckily. well after a while i was leaving school when i got a call on my cell saying they wanted some "candy" if the amount was worth leaving of course, no less than $150 for me to leave school for, for my friends at least and believe it or not i was leaving school just about everyday, until i seriously was getting behind in class, but not because of grade but attendance. throughtout the time i was selling i had a lot of motivation not to become a recreational user of this pill. seeing friends of mine pay me more than 200 bucks during school was creepy and i didn't want to become like that so stopped raving and just smoked the herb regularly, something i thought i'd never do but still do to this day, 4 years later after this. Well one day i finally met this girl who lived down the street from me and i never knew her until a mutual friend of ours introduced us. I had never mentioned it to anyone but i had had a crush on this girl since middle school although i t was based on her looks and bra size because i really didn't know her and for some reason never got to know her or even know she lived down the street from me. well being the friendly person i made friends with her despite gut feelings.
You see she was with a guy i knew during 9th til about 11th grade. I being so religious and wanting to wait until marriage for sex decided she would have to remain a friend. I knew she had loved this guy in school and he successfully had made her show him she did, but later they broke up when she found out he was talking about her behind her back. well a year after they break up she meets me during my drug selling time and she and our mutual friend go out and try the pills i gave them together with me and a buddy, which was the day i met her. She was really fun and so hot!! but i had my mind set on the gold and not just satisfaction with a hot girl, meaning i wanted to marry a virgin like me and have us both lose it on our honeymoon. well apparently she began to like me and after hanging with her and our mutual friend to gether for a few days she asked me out. For one thing i thought it was crazy for this really hot girl to ask me out. You see i always initiated the date with girls and had no problem with that because i didn't like to hurt noones feelings like i had once before when i seperated from a girl who was just not right for me. she cried and cried that night and i hated the feeling of ignoring her calls, and letters, and hurt feelings. I had wanted other specific girls before but had never had the one i wanted ask me out and it was wierd. I told her i'd call her back later that night and never did. a couple of days later she told me she stayed up waiting and when i didn't call back she cried herself to sleep over me. I was shocked!! I mean here i am getting dumped left and right for wanting my first time having sex to be special and i get a really hot girl to cry over me when she hasn't even been with me alone for 5 minutes. I replied to her text message saying that i wanted to have breakfast with her so that i could explain. I told her how i thought she was messing with me, and that i thought she was really cool and that i was sorry for making her cry, being as beautiful as she was. I took her to breakfast, and afterward we were supposed to go to school but instead went to a friends and went by ourselves together into his room to use the internet. Well we were talking and joking and she seemed really happy and i was also, when she just kissed me on the cheek. Now we were not officially a couple, yet, but not wanting to seem weak to her i laughed and continued playing the game i was playing. From the corner of my eye i felt her looking at me so i turned to see what she was staring at when she went in for a kiss. I not wanting to lead her on, but not wanting to be mean also, slightly kissed back, but pulled away and suggested we go back with our friends. She seemed upset or distracted, but reluctantly joined me.

i'll pause here and continue on the next blog. please comment any thoughts and if you haven't read my first blog do so and this is the continuation.

Uploaded 05/12/2008
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