I want to take a shot at being one of these evangelical assholes. let's see where this goes:
Brothers and sisters I beseech you, they tell you out there that you are flawed and you are sinful, you need saving and enlightenment. I say that there is nothing wrong with you humanity, I think the problem is with your culture. You don't need to be saved you need to walk away. You need to abandon the culture of maximum harm. You have the potential to be good inside, you have the abiltiy to be happy. It is this culture and it's medicine that has made you miserable. When I say medicine I mean the things you medicate with to deal with how dispassionate your lives are. I say put down that medicine and attack what has robbed your life of meaning. There is a sickness going around and it's called civilization. Who wants to be cured? Step forward and confess your hatred of this culture, let your civilization demons be gone. Come forward and speak. you shall all be free. Can I get an Amen?