Ramblings of the Stoned IX

"Write drunk, edit sober" - Ernest Hemingway

-Every website is always criticized by horny male users for not having enough t&a, as if there aren't millions of places to find that shit for free.  It's one of the reasons I'll never be able to enjoy The Chive 100%, because I have to scroll past 4 pictures of needy "Chivettes" desperate for validation to get to one hilarious picture.  It's such a disappointment to see a gallery advertise 32 pictures next to the thumbnail, only to find out that there's at least 16 pictures in there that do absolutely nothing for me, and may as well be a picture of a bare wall.  Don't bother telling me about the Berry either, because the galleries posted there are all metrosexuals and unfunny shit


-This is one of the reasons I love eBaum's.  Not only can I expect users to swipe these image galleries and edit it down to funny pictures only, but if one of those needy types starts posting half-naked pics of herself here, she is shamed by the community until she eventually writes a grammatically tragic diatribe in the blog section about how shallow and stupid this site is, where she is shamed again for not being able to construct a complete, coherent sentence.

*Sober Author's Note - Actually, this has only happened twice that I'm aware of, and it was hilarious both times.  I'm sure that there's plenty of young ladies who post here and are encouraged to post more.  They've always just had their own section for this, making it easy for those of us who are not interested in it to avoid it. 

-Remember when when a commercial break was ending, an announcer would come on and say "And now, back to our program!" or a customized "And now, back to the 'Muppet Babies'!" and you'd bolt back in to the living room from the kitchen or bathroom?  Why don't they do that anymore?


-The news cast is used more times than I ever realized to serve as a narrator in television and film. Sometimes a radio DJ is used instead("The Warriors", 1979).


-I know it's shallow to evaluate your friends, but you really need to figure out which ones are the ones with low standards, because those are the ones who will tell you you're an awesome singer, and should totally audition for "American Idol".  You should also figure out which friends have a mean sense of humor for the same reason.


-Teenagers have that "I'm surrounded by idiots," attitude, because they have yet to realize they're not smarter than everyone else; They've just been patronized their whole life.


-What if death is an experience of awareness which some people will enjoy and others will not?  What if some will enjoy the peace, and others will be bored by it?


-People who have been criticized for being too hard on themselves have been called out enough times by strangers to know that their friends are too kind.  Therefore, they realize it is up to them to not go so easy on themselves.  Funnily enough "You're too hard on yourself," is the only criticism these friends offer.  Having nice friends is a vicious cycle.


-True resolve is giving your all when epic failure is not only a possibility, but a likelihood. 


-A big part about being a freelance artist is trying to determine what the tastes of a client are.  Sometimes they see your portfolio, and hire you with the intention of asking you to do something completely outside of your style for some reason.  Most of the time you show them multiple ideas in the sketch phase, they pick the one you like the least.  Sometimes they pick the one they could do themselves if they knew how to change font size and color in Microsoft Word.  You need not question why some people feel the need to hire a chef to microwave their peas, just do it!


-Are all the characters in Popeye experiencing bouts of amnesia?  The plot of every episode is basically the same:  Bluto takes Olive away from Popeye, because she apparently forgot about the last time he tried to rape her.  Popeye is incensed, because he apparently still cares about Olive, the woman who's broken his heart hundreds of times before by leaving him for Bluto.  Bluto tries to rape Olive, and Popeye comes to her rescue and gets his ass kicked, because he'd forgotten about the hundreds of times he tried to stand up to Bluto without eating spinach beforehand and got hammered into the ground.  Then Bluto doesn't finish him off, allowing him to eat spinach, because he's apparently forgotten about what happens whenever Popeye eats spinach.  Popeye gets the girl, and it all happens all over again.  At one point, all of the characters even forget Bluto's name and start calling him "Brutus".


-What is It with kids on You Tube, and their seemingly desperate need of a medal for liking music not of their generation?

Uploaded 10/25/2012
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