Ramblings of the Stoned VI

"Write drunk, edit sober" - Ernest Hemingway

-It's funny how people who say they don't care what other people think get angry if you express any sort of skepticism toward their statement.


-What is the purpose of Jeopardy! making it's contestants phrase their answers as a question?  It's already confusing enough that the show's title has an exclamation point at the end, which makes every sentence mentioning it look like a nonsensical fragment, unless the author can figure out how to make it the last word in a sentence worthy of an excited tone.


-Mildly ironic that my last entry began with "what is".


-Do people really gain more kindness and empathy as they reach adulthood, or do they just get better at hiding the fact that they're an asshole?


-Not to be gross, but I've been sick the past couple of days, and when I just blew my nose and checked out the aftermath, I was momentarily afraid that I blew too hard and forced out a small piece of my brain.  It was weird...Just this red and white squishy mass, about the size of a misshapen grape.  Not a good thing to have come out of your nose while you're high on medication.  If you're not telling yourself it's a piece of your brain, and your death is imminent by a few seconds, you're telling yourself that it's a fetal alien chest-burster, and you're lucky the thing didn't get fully grown before it exploded out of your forehead...But oh fuck, where's the face-grabber hiding?  It's under the bed, waiting to rape my face!

*Sober author's note - wtf? 


-You know sites like eBaum's and You Tube are the scourge of the internet when you visit sites like Cracked and The Chive, and remark how civilized their comment boards are by comparison.


-What is it about hearing a kid refer to himself as a "child" or a teenager call themselves a "teen" that creeps me out so much?  It's too wholesome, or something.




-When I was a kid, I used to think people with roof-mounted luggage holders on their cars were delivery drivers for McDonald's, because they look like the boxes Big Macs came in.  I also used to think that puddles would turn into ants after a few hours (a conclusion I made after spilling my juice outside and seeing a swarm of ants in the exact shape of the juice spill).  I also thought tombstones grew when you planted dead people, and the veins that are visible on the inside of your wrist are faded magic marker marks that never washed off all the way.


-I've seemed to have reached a surplus of solitude here.  Lately, I've actually been taking people up on invitations and visiting people I haven't seen in years.  I wonder if this is a common thing that happens to loners once they hit 30.


-Bionic Commando for the NES is the perfect game.  It hasn't lost any of it's playability after 20+ years, and it's one of the few games that wouldn't be improved by a 3-D environment. 


-Few things are more disappointing than thinking you're going to have the house to yourself, only to get home and see your roommate's girlfriend's car parked in the driveway.  You don't fucking pay rent here!  Get lost!  There's no reason for "Jersey Shore" to ever be on the television here, unless Beavis and Butthead are making fun of it, fuck face!


-I wonder if irritability during sickness is a natural mechanism to keep contagious disease from spreading by isolating the ill.

*Sober author's note -  Probably not.  PMS is not contagious, so there goes that theory.  

*Soberer author's note - What am I talking about?  Bad moods are totally contagious!


-When a man asks a female friend "Is there a problem?" when she's standing next to him  and arguing with another man, he's not necessarily just being chivalrous.  Sometimes he's trying to tell her subtly that her dramatic bullshit is annoying and inconsiderate to everyone else with her.


-I don't always comment on my own blogs, but when I do, it's because there's only 3 comments.

Uploaded 07/24/2012
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