Ramblings of the Stoned VIII

"Write Drunk, edit sober." - Ernest Hemingway

-In Avatar, Giovanni Ribisi, when explaining to Sigourney Weaver why Sam Worthington isn't completely useless, he says "We were lucky he wasn't some oral hygienist, or something."  I think this is a very ignorant thing to say.  How does he know the Navi didn't have a tooth decay epidemic?  Just because he'd be useless in the Oregon Trail of the zombie apocalypse doesn't mean he could be useless on an alien planet.

*Sober Author's Note- This is not true.  In the zombie apocalypse, processed food wouldn't be so easy to find, so a healthy set of teeth would be way important.  You can't chew the meat of the deer you just killed in the overgrown area downtown Manhattan with just your gums.


-How acute our sense of right and wrong is directly related to how many different masks a person wears for different people.  They wouldn't have to wear masks if they didn't think what they were doing was deceptive.


-When an actor has a scene where he's  dying in some intense situation (in the midst of battle, or before he could tell something important) it seems like he's overreacting with all the grunting, groaning and twitchy movements, but that's accurate.  That's what it looks like when the brain tries to send signals to a dying body.



-A smile always looks cooler when you can't see the eyes, like when a hat is pulled down low.  It will always seem more like a leer.  It's dangerous.


-I bet adulterous men who work in the stock market time their affairs to coincide with dips in the economy.  That way, it's easier to convince women of average intelligence that you would have left your wife already, if your stocks hadn't been hit so hard this year.



-One of the reasons a book will always beat an even accurate movie portrayal is because it not only provides the story, but also the voice of the story teller.  When it's in a movie, it's more like you're witnessing it, which is like hearing it from your own story teller's voice, which over time has become more and more predictable to you.


-In that dinner party episode of "The Office", the part where Pam hands Jan a bottle of wine and Jan says "It'll be great to cook with!" I'm not sure if she's knocking the quality of the wine, or denying any evidence of alcoholism.  Probably both, and that's the genius of "The Office".


-You can't compliment the American version of "The Office" without a British person and/or hipster having a conniption.


-It's impossible to write a coincidence in fiction.  Everyone, especially high school English teachers, will see it as some sort of symbolism.  Many don't even believe in coincidence in real life, as if God were some ironic novelist in front of his Mac in a wifi indie coffee shop in the sky.


-I wish you could see which videos are no longer available in your You Tube favorites list.  It's like knowing one of your friends from college is dead, but not knowing which one.

*Sober Author's Note - Being a little dramatic here.


-An old friend of mine leaves a "poor lonesome me" status on Facebook every couple of weeks, about how he just turned 30 and he thought he'd be married with a kid by now.  The next would be how he did a 180 at the front steps of a girl he'd met through an internet dating site, because she didn't look enough like her picture.  Today it's how he wished he had kids, so the front of his refrigerator wouldn't look so bare.  I immediately had a visual of the "forever alone" guy staking out tables that are occupied by kids at Friendly's, so he can swipe their colored-in menus after they leave for some fridge art.  I then had a laugh at his expense.  Hey, it's his own fault for being one of those dumbasses who complain about women being shallow while simultaneously holding out for a Brazilian supermodel himself
Uploaded 10/04/2012
  • 2 Favorites
  • Stumble
  • Pin It