This is going to be a VERY weird blog. Some people might be able to relate, some people are going to think I’m fucking nuts.
Ever since I can remember, I have been infatuated by kidnapping, obsessive love, and rape. I’ve talked to my fiancé about this and we both don’t understand when or how it came about. I remember being little, playing with my Barbie dolls, tying them up using blinds or shoestrings, molesting them with Ken dolls, making men obsess over them, rape them…I know! Pretty fucked up shit for a 7 year old. I’ve come to terms with my psycho past.
I can never, EVER be open about this to anyone but my fiancé. I don’t know where these feelings come from. My favorite movies or songs have to deal with obsession. Most of my stories deal with kidnapping, rape or obsession. I wish I could find a book to read about those things. Or a movie to watch but all that I’ve seen don’t deal with the obsession, etc. like I want it to (except perhaps the Phantom of the Opera).
I wish I knew why I felt this way; it really, REALLY disturbs me. Can anyone HONESTLY think of an answer as to why I felt/acted like that as a little girl and now am grown up loving it? Make fun all you want but I’m being totally serious here.
EDIT: To clarify, I actually don't perfer to be in charge though I have "raped" my fiance before when he was sleeping. I guess I just like submission...a LOT.