Remember my friends, heed my advice because I pass this way but

Cool points will be awarded to the person who names the movie my blog title is from, as well as the person saying it and when it's said.  Cool points are like erep points minus the ability to eventually cash 3 years worth of them in for a pack of eBaum's stickers.

I've had an epiphany in regards to the English language, and I feel it would be unfair of me not to share such a useful literary device.  What I realized was this: if you're ever concerned that something you're saying may come across as gay (no offense meant to the actual gays), all you have to do is use the word "dude" in the sentence somewhere and it totally nullifies any gay context that may have been.  I'll give you an example.

For one male to say to another male "That shirt looks ridiculous with those pants." raises all sorts of questions about the statement maker's lifestyle.  However . . .

Start the sentence off with "Dude," followed by a comma, and suddenly it's totally not gay anymore.  Skeptical?  Watch.

"Dude, that shirt looks ridiculous with those pants."

See?  There's absolutely nothing gay about that statement.  It works with virtually any scenario, and you can position the word dude almost anywhere in the sentence you like.

"I don't care what product he uses in his hair, dude, it still clumps together way too much."

"There's nothing wrong with crying when Bambi's mom dies, dude."

Note in the last sentence the "dude" is used at the very end.  "Dude" also provides a safety net for you in case you need to ask a rather uncomfortable question.

"Dude, did you see that guy wearing a banana hammock?"

So by all means, go forth and put to good use this amazing discovery.  Boldly tell your friends "Dude, Christian Bale is an attractive guy."  Or perhaps "I don't know what the hell happened last night, but my ass is killing me dude."  Well, maybe not so much that last one.  You should probably keep that between yourself and the doctor at the free clinic.  But now you'll know how to tell him/her in the most comfortable way a man can explain to a medical professional he blacked out and may have been violated anally possible.  Just smile and remember the solid your buddy Garadain did you when they aren't looking at you funny while administering that penicillin shot.

Watch for my next lesson: How to look and sound like you're completely paying attention to every word someone says when in fact you're trying to remember how the music goes from world 5 of Super Mario Brothers 3.

Uploaded 11/02/2008
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