Retard on Aisle 7

Late last night, we went wandering around the 24-hr. grocery store in search of food, when my friend suddenly slipped and fell by the doughnuts. A huge puddle of water was leaking out of the mini-freezer compartment there by the frozen pizzas, and probably wasn't a spill.

He had dirty water soaking his entire ass, a cut on his ankle, and that gross dirt water crap all up his legs.

As the others checked to see if he was okay, I noticed an older dude behind the doughnut counter buffing the floors with one of those huge maintenance machines. He had stopped to look over, and was just staring when he noticed I was looking right back at him, and just smiled and shrugged at me.

Incredibly pissed off, I told him, quite sternly, "YES, YOU HAVE A SPILL HERE," at which point his smile disappeared, he put his ear buds back in, and decided to continue buffing the floors like nothing happened.


While our injured party member went through the checkout line, I requested a manager. Explaining to him what happened, he seemed stuck on that whole don't-sue-us shtick, repeatedly asking if we wanted an ambulance, ice, a seat in the office, etc.

Our buddy didn't need anything, but we informed him we were sure the dude that watched the whole thing didn't get his ass out there to clean it up. So, we brought him to the section where, naturally, the puddle remained, along with a little blood, shoe marks, and the happily buffing man still doing his thing behind the doughnut counter.

We stood idly by while the manager confronted him, and as he did so, it became apparent to all of us the guy wasn't just a retard, he was actually mentally deficient. I didn't know what to make of this new development. At first I felt a bit bad, remorseful, but then again I guess these are the reasons a lot of people don't like contending with certain individuals in the workplace or as a customer.


Reminds me of the FamGuy scene where the mentally deficient boy with a helmet pet Brian way too hard. Brian warned anyone within earshot he was gonna bite - he's a fucking dog. But the kid was retarded and he got bit, when he cried like a baby. Wtf are you supposed to think then? That was kinda the whole joke, but the uncertainty surely rings true in a real life situation.

Whatever, was my friend's response. We left after the manager assured us he'd take care of it and we'd get a call in a few days. "Passive eugenics" became the theme of the remainder of our evening: "The kid who swallows too many marbles doesn't grow up to have kids of his own" - George Carlin. Beware, respectable customer...

Uploaded 07/05/2011
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