Seattle is GAY! Well, not Seattle, I love the city, but the policy makers here have their heads up their asses.

We don't get much snow in Western Washington. We get a big snow every 5-10 years. Usually it snows at night, fucks up the morning commute, turns to rain by noon, and we all tell stories of how other people can't drive in the snow.

We've had snow off and on now for a week and a half now and it highlights how bass-ackward our policy makers are in the Emerald City. These politically correct liberals (I must point out that I am a Liberal, I just happen to be pragmatic as well) refuse to salt the roads because it "is harmful to the environment."

Instead, they sand and PACK the snow. During the day the temp hovers just above freezing making a nice, slick Starbucks latte-colored sheen on the roads. Tires churn it into a lumpy, slushy, mushy mess that freezes at night. We have ice for the a.m. commute. It snows some more, they sand and pack, etc...

Unless your car is made of Brian Boitano it doesn't fare well on the ice.

We are fucking nuts when it comes to the environment here. In Seattle they will charge a 5cent fee per paper or plastic bag used in stores. Instead, they want you to reuse cloth bags. (I wonder if textile mills hurt Mother Earth?) I picture Seattle politicians as King of the Hill cartoon Characters -

Hank Hill: Can't you salt the dang roads?

Cartoon Bureaucrat: I'm sorry, Mr. Hill, the salt will run off into Puget Sound hurting the fish.

Hank: Puget Sound is already SALT WATER!

C.B: But salt is harmful to cars.

Hank: So is sliding into a ditch!

C.B: Mr. Hill, do you care about the salmon?

Hank: Salmon hatch in rivers and can't WAIT to get to salt water where they live happy lives. They only return to fresh water to spawn and die. Isn't there SOMETHING you can do?

C.B: I can give you a "Keep Washington Green." bumpersticker to show other drivers you care.

Hank: There are no drivers because the ROADS ARE IMPASSIBLE!!!

(Hank leaves perturbed, worry-lines on his forehead worse than ever)

(Bureaucrat calls after him): They're made from 100% recycled material....

OK... I need to go do Christmas stuff. My sister is only a 50-mile drive from here...