Once upon a time I got sick. Not sick as in cool because that is impossible. I mean sick as in “cough, cough, vomit!” I was laying on my bed reflecting on life. I started to think about the times I had back in the 90’s. Boy they were a fun time. That was the time when New Kids on the Block were cool for girls and boys. I loved “Step By Step” although I learned now that “Step By Step” the song and “Step By Step” the TV show does not help me with my alcohol problem. I also remember the slap on bracelets and the times it was worth wild to wake up Saturday mornings to watch cartoons. Remember My Little Ponies? Well My Little Ponies was kind of gay, but Care Bears kicked ass right? I loved Beastly and his one phrase “I am soooo bad, SHAKAKAKA!” The great thing about Care Bears every episode was the same, it all had to do with the caring meter going down and it was up to the Care Bears to save the day.
I remember for one year I was a washroom janitor. I would be cleaning up Mr. Hanky’s stains. There was something I didn’t get about that place. The urinals, it would go big, big, big, small. Now we all know the small urinal is for little boys but that big urinal beside it? Is that like the pedophile’s urinal? I could just see what would go down if a pedophile and a little boy were taking a piss beside one another. “Hi there little boy that is a nice winky you got there…..It looks so precious…..SHAKAKAKA!” (See what I did there I just put Lord of the Rings and Care Bears together that is what I call a reference crash.)
Anyways! As my sickness got worse I ended up coming down with a raspy voice. My dad took me to the doctors. My dad waited in the waiting room and he’s already thinking the worse. The doctor couldn’t find anything wrong so he asks me “Do you smoke?” I was like “No!” Then he asks “Do you suck cock?” I was like “umm…Er…Ah… Noooooo….” That is when my dad bust down the door and yells “BULLSHIT!!!!”
True story I swear!