Soccer Morons

Well it's time for another one of those personal stories. I'll give you guys a little background here. I am not a soccer player. I don't ever claim to be one. However, I do play on a soccer team. So what does that mean? Well, that means I play goalie. I don't kick the ball ever. Rule # 1 on my team is don't pass me the ball. Ever.Before you soccer or even non-soccer players talk smack about me playing goalie, I'll have you know it's an Indoor soccer league I play in. For those that don't know; Indoor soccer goalie doesn't fuck around. It's very similar to hockey goalie. You must be agile, quick, be able to anticipate the play, direct the defense and of course sacrifice your body. I've even sacrificed my manhood for this position. My family jewels have been in jeopardy a number of times. In the sport of indoor soccer you have the boards, just as you do in hockey. These boards are meant for the ball to be deflected off of <---- key words. Before I get to the story I just want to let my readers who don't know me know that I am a very and I mean very competitive person. I hate losing. That doesn't mean I'm a sore loser, I just hate losing. So out on the field I sometimes get intense. With that being said, I don't act like we are playing in the World Cup Final. After all it is recreational soccer. So two weeks ago I was helping a friends team out who didn't have a goalie. We were playing this team that wears bright green jersey's. They are a decent team. Although, when this team starts to lose, they begin to play like it's the World Cup Finals. They get over the top physical and start taking cheap shots. Now coming from a football and hockey background, I'm all about physical play. That physical play is not B - lining for somebody into the boards like they are playing in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. I'll repeat, the boards are for the ball to be deflected, not to check your opponent into them. After a couple of cheap shots and run - ins into the boards, I walk up to one of the guys who we'll call Pony Tail Guy on the other team and said, "If you don't cut that shit out, you're going to have a big problem. You can't just run at people like a fucking moron." Anyways a few minutes later we won the game. Fast forward a week which is now last Monday. I show up for our game. I'm a few minutes early and am just shooting the shit with my friend Joe, who happened to be in town from S.F. The green team is playing in the game in front of us and I am explaining to Joe about what occurred the week before, pointing out Pony Tail Guy. Well it just so happened that we were standing right next to green team's bench. At this point picture this: What looked to be a kid (on green team) barely 18 maybe, 150lbs, and a face that was in serious need of Pro- Active, decided to pipe up and join our conversation. He says, "Haha wasn't that really funny when he scored on you last week?" Referring to when Pony Tail Guy scored a goal on me last week.I reply, "Wasn't it really funny when my team won?"He says, "Ya but it was just really funny that you were talking shit and he scored on you." I then look at Joe because I'm in shock this child is piping up to me.I reply, "It won't be funny when I punch you in the face will it? Get back on your bench and out of my face."He says, "Oh. Fucking tough guy. Why you gotta get all tough?"I reply, "Child! Go back to your bench! It's kids like you that after talking shit, they get hit in the mouth and wonder what happened. You engaged me first. We weren't speaking with you. Just go back to your damn bench."He finally goes back to his bench.Fast forward to last night. Sure enough it's round 1 of playoffs for my team. Who do we get matched with? Green team! Oh goody. You know the saying, "If you act stupid, stupid things will happen to you." Wow was that relevant during our game. After doing a crossfit tournament over the weekend I was in no shape to be playing in the game but I made an appearance because I can't let the team down in crunch time. Anyways, we are beating these guys by 3 goals mid - way through the second half. They had a very good opportunity to score to put it within 2 goals, thus making the game interesting, but were stoned point blank by yours truly.At this point, normal soccer went out the window for green team and retard playing came out. Full blown B - lines into the boards, tripping, grabbing, you name it. At some point you knew I was going to get back to Pony Tail Guy. Well Pony Tail Guy is breaking down the middle towards me dribbling the ball, when two of my defenders collapse on him as he's about to shoot and sure enough, loud pop. That loud pop was his knee.***Big Disclaimer*** I've had serious injuries before. I haven't actually torn a ligament in my knee but have had issues with my knees in the past. I would never wish a knee injury or any bodily harm upon anyone.However, like I said earlier, dumb things happen to dumb people. The moral of the story? Maybe if his friend didn't get lippy, maybe if he didn't play like it was The World Cup Finals, maybe if he didn't start to go into retard mode when his team started losing, he wouldn't have hurt his knee. You may never know. After the game I did go up to him and wished him a speedy recovery. I am competitive. I can be mean, but I do know my sportsmanship.

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Uploaded 05/11/2010
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