I had to work the dreaded 5-to-5 shift this morning. Due to the oddly slow afternoon, a couple of the other guys and I decided to more-or-less sit around and shoot the shit while appearing busy. We got on the all-too-often topic of movies, and started to out-do one another with film knowledge.

There were the obvious "who said this line in what movie" types, the "name the actor" bits....usual fodder for time wasting conversations related to film. One guy, who nobody remembers inviting into the conversations at all, actually threw out a decent question for the group.

That question?

What is the single gayest scene in any movie that was not intended to be gay?

The know-nothing types gave the obvious answer: Brokeback Mountain. They're dumbasses for two reasons. The first, that it was a 'NOT INTENDED TO BE GAY SCENE' question, and secondly that movie was fucking fantastic, and should in no way be viewed in any sort of negative light. (If you're all homophobic about "that scene" just fast-forward through it and actally watch the story; its a really great movie.)

Anyway, there were some pretty good ones. I don't feel like having this go on and on, so I'll just tell you what I said.

My answer: the scene from "Top Gun" where they're all playing volleyball to that ultra-homosexual Kenny Loggins tune "Playing With Those Boys" blaring over the picture. (Unfamiliar with the movie? Search that scene, watch in on youtube, proceed to laugh and/or cringe...I dare ya!) Excessive high-fives, posing for the crowd of about 30 other Air Force dudes, and an odd number of shirtless headlocks and/or "manbraces". I remember having to watch that movie without my parent's knowledge as a kid because they said it wasn't a kid's movie, and finding it a little creepy then as well. (Probably should have listened to mum on that one.)

Needless to say, I won that lag of the trivia competition. My victory comes with a sour note, though. That being, does one really want to be the person to remember off-hand what the gayest scene from any movie happens to be? And, while we're at it, why the fuck do I know that it was a Kenny Loggins song???

Only a few things are certain to me after my "win":

1) I feel shame

2) Iceman was so fucking out-of-bounds on that one dive-play

3) Goose had a sweeeeeeet moustache; too bad his bendy neck went and screwed that up. (Anyone get that?)

So, as I sit here cursing my brain for having stored that useless bit of information for lo' all these years, why not share in my shame a little? What's the gayest scene from a movie that the director/writer had zero intention of making seem gay? C'mmon folks....don't make me stand out here all by myself.

Thanks for reading,

-The Big Bad