State of the Website


I'm gonna do a State of the Union/State of Ebaums review on here, cause I feel like I've been around somewhat long enough, and I also don't care what most of you think. Especially Tizzle, that guy LOVES the cock.


Point 1:  The dangerous road towards social networking.

- Dear Ebaums, PLEASE DON'T TURN THIS SITE INTO FACEBOOK.  I see the chat thingy at the bottom of the screen, and it makes my nipples tingle, in a bad way.  There's a chance that this website is becoming dangerously near to the "it's time to sell to make ebaums some money" threshold, and it scares me.  It scares me like a jail cell that smells like vasoline.

Baums, we truly enjoy the freedom to make people feel like doo-doo on this website, and the freedom of literally tearing down an entire person's universe with the art of language. Please don't take it away by selling to a corporation.  I'm not saying we're gonna give you money or anything, I'm just saying you shouldn't sell.  If i had to go thru a full work day without the joy of berating assumedly 17 year old virgins about how they'll never experience the warm wet sensation of a vagina or mouth hole, I'm not sure that I could make it through without racking up a body count.  Consider this the 1 time anyone will ever see me ask nicely.  If you don't comply, I will start checking basements of 60+ year olds who have a kid still living at home and FIND YOU.


Point 2:  Freedom of Speech; It's a motherfucker, eh?

- You have the right to say and post and do pretty much whatever the balls you want on this site, and at the moment, that right doesn't seem to be going anywhere.  ABUSE, ABUSE, ABUSE people, that's what the web is all about.  It's about instantaneously connecting you to a barrage of shit you might not otherwise be able to see.  Go type 'feces sex' into google and see what comes up.  You'll be disgusted, amazed, and possibly aroused all at once.  I mean...I get aroused.

Additionally, and this is already known by most who I have befriended on this site, if you have the chance to tell a douche just how douche-tastic they truly are...I encourage you to do it.  I mean, if we can't tell a melvin what a melvin he is, why did we even bother registering?  We could have just perused the content on this site without ever setting foot near a registration page and sacrificing our e-mail addresses to the insessent request to penis enlarge, pay bills, mortgage our homes, or watch a son have sex with his mother.  I don't understand what those last e-mails are about, but you all know you get them too, and as soon as I'm sure its not a virus page, I'm clicking the SHIT outta one of those links.  Why?  Cause I'm fucked in the head and a kid fucking his mom?  That's funny to me.

Point 3:  There's no more points.

There's really nothing else to say.  We have a duty to preserve this website like a female corpse that you keep in formaldahide for those lonely nights.  Or Lenin's body in Moscow, whichever you find more sexual.  (By the way, did you guys see that fuckin "after people are gone" show?  I had no idea lenin was preserved in Moscow.  And it's a state secret how they do it.  Yeah.  State Secret.  2 Words.  Make. Up.)  

Anyway.  Keep it real, enjoy the site, don't let the man keep you down, and don't be one of those members that never contributes any content.  If you people are gonna sit on the web all day long, you mine as well use that time to post interesting shit for the rest of us to look at.  Mainly though, make fun of as many fucking losers as possible.  Use whatever motivation you need.  Picture them as that uncle that felt your sack when you were younger, or that theif who came into your house and raped your dog.  Whatever works for you, just let out the hate.  I promise you, it's not only great, but even if you're not funny, you've given us all the opportunity to shit back on you and make our work-days a little less miserable.  As demonstrated overwhelmingly by that walking pile of animal semen, X22Tizzle.


So enjoy, and remember before you comment negatively, I don't care what you think, and I write what I write because I'm the greatest.  In fact, I'm pretty much God's gift to women. know...go fuck yourself.

Mega for President.


- Mega Fail

Uploaded 06/16/2009
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