Stuck In A Rut!

I guess that is how you could classify it...i don't know...have you ever felt like you are unsure about yourself or what you are doing or how you went about something and then think back and say (Shit!) I could have done it this way or i didn't have to do it that way and wished you did it differently...or think to yourself that yeah i did that ok but still don't know what the heck is going on...

Ever feel like you have to keep telling yourself that you are ok and try to convince yourself that you are ok just so you can get through the day and let other people think that you are ok...but as soon as your brain has a moment where you aren't telling it that or doing something to make it think other wise it barades you with thoughts that put you back to square is one of those feelings or phases or something that i just can't if i look outside the box of this particular situation life isn't too awful but it was what was inside this box that i loved sooooo much and needed sooo much and learned to depend on and turn too when things seem (whatever) and now that isn't there and the life that seemed so fantastic with the box seems so mediocre and gray...colors don't seem as bright and fun...jokes you laugh at don't really seem that funny but you laugh anyways to keep from being spotted or notice as ("not acting normal")...i don't know maybe they are head issues maybe time issues don't know but one thing i do know is that the prize that was in that box was one of a kind and now that it is gone forever...i may just have to learn to live in gray and walk on my knees cause this time the blow was too deep and too painful too get back just dosen't seem worth it....

Uploaded 08/25/2008
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