Once upon a time I got knocked up… No, wait, I mean knocked out.  When I woke up I was in a washroom with my leg shackled to a pipe and every single finger of mine tied to a rope.  My first thought was “how convenient if I ever need to take a poo I am at least locked up in the right place.”  The weird thing about this washroom it had a TV in the wall.  I knew I must be in the women’s washroom.  I say this because I never been inside a woman’s washroom so I don’t know what kind of shenanigans they do in there.

            The TV comes on and there is a guy in a goofy mask he says to me “Hello Mr. Perkins I want to play a game.  If you obey all the rules you will be released, beside you is a Sudoku game…”  I got really bored of this guy talking and I notice on the other side of me is a converter so I changed the channel.  Apparently this masked dude must be big because he was on every channel.  This TV mask dude tells me to play the Sudoku and for every wrong number the rope will pull off one of my fingers.  True story I swear.  Hey I have ten fingers how many mistakes could I possibly make….

            Here I am down to three fingers.  Blood is going everywhere and I am still insisted on playing the full game of Sudoku. Oh keep in mind I have the ability to write well with my mouth.  When I say well I mean sloppy like old people kissing.  Finally after 8 hours later I finally finished. Yes I know Sudoku should take less than 20 minutes to complete but I am slow like 95% of the employees at Wal-Mart.  The TV comes back on and says “congratulation Mr. Perkins you have finished.  A masked man then comes into the room and releases me. 

            I step out the door and five minutes later I have to take a poo.