The Dreams

It was the eve of my eighteenth birthday, I had finally hitchhiked and walked about 25 miles home. The last leg of my journey was by foot because some psycho picked me and my friend up in a souped up  muscle car and decided to total his car in a field that you see, within off ramps and on ramps to major highways.  The green portion on clover leaf areas near major highways.

My friend and I departed ways to finally rest at home. It was probably five AM when I stumbled in, the door never locked, down to my basement room. I had one cigarette left, but was way to exhausted to smoke it. I placed it behind the mirror that was beside my bed. I had to hide it because one of my brothers might snatch it from me, while I slept.

At this point in my life I was extremely self conscious, adventurous, uncontrollably horny, imaginative, self destructive, basically a raw  human resource that could end up dead in the gutter or run an evil corporation. Even at that time I knew it, both frightened me.

I guess when my head hit the pillow it was lights out, total physical and mental exhaustion from extreme partying, LSD ingestion, pot, beer, whiskey and probably things I can't recall. 

The dreams I had jumped from one terrifying scene to the next. It was if all my fears were manifesting themselves taking their turns at tearing me apart.  I remember a car scene where I was trying to get out of the car but peoples faces kept pushing me back in. At this point I realized I was dreaming, I tried to scream to my brother to wake me from this hell, but I just gagged.   

I jumped to the next dream, I was in my neighborhood park, I remember feeling so relieved to have escaped the nightmare that terrified me. A childhood boy approached me, I was nervous of him because when I first moved to Toronto he successfully ridiculed me as a young shy child from a small more innocent town. He stood in front of me and blew a white powder in my face and then laughed out loud. The laughter grew and then everyone I knew started to laugh at me one at a time, until I could no longer stand it. I knew again I was locked in a nightmare, I tried to scream out for my brother to wake me, but I could not speak. I just gagged in terror.

I found myself fully awake, I thought to myself I better sit up, I don't want to dream anymore. So I sat straight up put my feet on the floor, shook it off and relaxed. The room was dark but the moon light was shinning into my closet. My closet had no doors, an unfinished project when the basement was finished. This is when the most terrifying event in my life occurred.

The fear I felt is hard to justify, but there I was fully awake (so I thought), and this black cloud started to form in my closet. It started to swirl and grow bigger. I knew deep down this was an evil being manifesting itself in front of me.  I felt it was going to kill me or take me over, but somehow I overcame it. I somehow convinced myself this evil entity could not take me because deep inside me I was a good and holy being. The cloud fizzled away.

I finally was able to wake up from that horrible nightmare, reached nervously behind my mirror and smoked my last cigarette. I reflected on my horrible nightmares, told myself never to take acid again and fell back asleep.

It was about six pm when I finally  awoke that day. I was starving for a cigarette but knew I had already smoked it earlier that day. I glanced back behind my mirror and there it still remained my last cigarette. I had chills run through my body, I wasn't sure if I was really yet awake, I lit it up, inhaled it deep, I was finally awake.

Uploaded 10/04/2010
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