The Duel That Never Was

So, I wake up before dawn on Sunday morning. I shower, get dressed, mousse my hair and have a hearty breakfast of steak and eggs. All the while knowing that these actions may be my last. I put on my coat, scarf and mittens and collect my louisville slugger from the umbrella stand by the front door. I then proceed to catch several buses to Gyps' winter house in Quebec. In the process of which I spend over three weeks allowance. I arrive at Gyps' not knowing exactly when andrewryan will show up and demand satisfaction.

I knock on Gyps' door to see if I can wait inside because it is bitterly cold but alas, there appears to be no one at home. I clear an area of snow and sit on the small brick wall that borders her front garden. To pass the time while I wait I listen to Pat Benatar - love is a battlefield repeatedly on my walkman. I check the time, its 9:15am. It was at this point an image popped into my head which disturbed me. The image of andrewryan taking my casio water resistant digital watch I had gotten for christmas from my cold dead wrist. Then a further even more disturbing image of him taking the women I love replaced that. I was not going to let this happen.

After a few more hours of waiting the batteries on my walkman died and love is a battlefield slowly ground to a halt. Almost immediately after pressing stop I heard the door go behind me. I turned to see Gyps standing in the doorway wearing a loosely tied off black kimono, unable to contain her ample bosom. She asked how long I had been waiting for and when I told her it had been a few hours she said "aawwww, come in before you die of cold". As I came in she told me to wait in front of the fire while she made me a hot drink.

I took off my mittens and coat and warmed my hands in front of the fire and soon Gyps arrived with a mug of hot chocolate. She asked why I had been waiting outside her winter house all morning. I proceeded to tell her about the rivalry sparked between andrewryan and I, based on our mutual love for her. I told her about how andrewryan had challenged me to a duel on sunday outside her winter house in Quebec but had not specified a time. She told me she would not let us fight but I assured her that one way or another the duel would take place so she would be helpless to stop us. She seemed upset so I finished my hot chocolate, put on my coat and mittens and told her I would wait outside so as not to miss andrewryans arrival.

I waited a further eight hours in the freezing cold. Gyps would occasionally ask me to come inside but I declined. The longer I waited the more determined I became to slay andrewryan and claim my prize. I may be cold now but I would soon be warm in the arms of the one I love I thought to myself. At 9:30pm after waiting an entire day in the freezing cold I gave up and went inside. andrewryan had not showed up as promised and therefore had forfeited any claim to Gyps. Gyps asked me to spend the night so I rang my parents to tell them that I would be staying at a friends house. It was that night that I stopped being a boy, and became a man.

In conclusion andrewryan is a coward who gave up his claim to Gyps when he failed to turn up to a gentleman's duel.

Uploaded 09/12/2011
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