The Ebaums And The Captain

You enter the site EBW, from here on out I will refer it to the ship, and look around.  It is a musty crew comprised of degenerate pirates always on the verge of mutiny.  As you walk across the deck of the ship Ebaums, you notice a little troll like unsavory character gobbling on nuts, and rocking back and forth.  He utters a sentence with much malice laced within the letters.

"stop banning me faggot."  He says in between his rocking motion.

"hey butt-fucking still working on getting my old account back?  you're a piece of shit."  The troll says, a derogatory line towards the Captain.

You proceed to the starboard side to look out across the bay in which the ship is harbored for the moment.  A fellow crew member comes over and stares out across the bay next to you.  It is Angelo.  You say a little something about the good qualities of the Captain and the ship, then Angelo utters:

"FUCK YOU"  You marvel at the brashness at which the pirate displays his true feelings towards the Captain.

"FUCK YOU"  He yells again.

"FUCK YOU"  And again.

"FUCK YOU"  And again.

You leave him there on the edge of starboard as you travel aft to inspect the rest of the crew.  You see a fellow pirate with a big brimmed hat sipping on a coca-cola.  He is looking over some parchels of paper, shaking his head in disgust.

"the mods are fascist nazi's.. THE MATURE SECTION IS FOR MATURE SHIT.. PUSSY TITSASS.. AND THEY ARE CONSTANTLY DELETING MY POSTS !!!  wtf is up with that shit ?  andthe ever popular " possible minor suggestive material " in jailbait posts.. they are supposed to fucking be minors and suggestive... if they weren't.. they wouldn't fucking be jailbait !"

You decide to let a lying dog lay, and journey down into the bowels of the ship, leaving the one they call Cocacolacowboy to his questionable material and soft drink.

As you venture down the steps, you still hear Angelo yelling "FUCK YOU". 

Down in the belly of the vessel, droves of workers are fast at work.

"fatass" Spitblood groans about the not present Captain.

"i see you haven't got the popups fixed yet. so i'll be leaving now."  whispers markdel as he marches back up the steps to leave the ship, again.

You notice in the corner that one of your fellow crew members is getting lashes for some offense commeted.

"thank you sir, may i have another"  lilcurl says in a stern tone, before going silent all together.

You feel a swoosh of air go by behind you, it is the Captain.  You do not get to see a good look at him, but you know it is him because ThizzMac510 yells to him.

"Hey ebaum you know what I like about your mother? She let's me cum on her face....and i like that"  ThizzMac510 holds his chin high as he pauses for dramatic purposes."I wish I could take credit for that comment.  But I wont tell you who said it first. Your gonna have to have dinner with me first. And by "dinner" I mean sex. And by "sex" I mean put my penis in your ass. And by "penis" I mean staple remover. And by "staple" I mean virginity. I think you get the jist of it.  Offers on the table. The decision is yours."  He says before going back to his work at hand.

You continue to the galley section of the ship.  "FUCK ALL YOU MODERATORS! ENJOY MY FIST UP YOUR ASS!"  You hear, but do not see vote jello before silence engulfs the galley.  insanec101 is going over his speech that he is about to give to the Captain.

"hey um i ordered a swag bag and an amazon gift card about 2 or 3 months ago and it still hasnt arrived?? Will it actualy come or is it just a hoax?? if so, thats ilegal" 

ThizzMac510 walks into the galley while insancec101 is practicing his speech.  A sarcastic ThizzMac510 says:

"Hey um, he ordered a swag bag and an amazongift card about 2 or 3 months ago and it still hasnt arrived. (No question marks needed) Will it actually come or is it just a hoax??P.S. I support the Jews." In between bites of an apple.

You begin to run up from the gallows, to fresh air and to the docks.  The crew was crazy, the captain and mods were unable to safely control the anarchy and chaos that was almost spilling over the sides.  To be dammed would be stuck out in sea with the madness that was the Ebaums.  You get up the steps, and standing proudly was the Captain.

"Captain, captain.  How have you not had a mutiny on your hands.  Almost everyone on the ship hates you.  What is the matter with you?  Why would you go out on another voyage when it may just be your last?"  You say to the Captain.

The Captain says nothing, just continues standing there proudly.

"Captain, can you hear me?  Hello!  The end is near!  Run, run while you have the chance!  There is going to be a mutiny against you!  The crew will film the whole thing, including your murder, and then submit it.  They are going to kill you, you crazy fool!  What is it Captain that you think of this information?

"omg so cool" the Captain says with a plastic smile.  "so cool".

~AW Smith

Uploaded 12/11/2008
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