The Ex-List

I've dated a lot of guys in my lifetime.  And I'm only 19.  The thing I find funny is I don't really have a pattern for what kind of guys I've gone for in the past, just that they all end up being losers, assholes, or complete wastes of time.  Mind you, I've never had sex with any of them.  Not one.  How did I manage this?  Well, you see, I'm a woman.  We tend to be tricky, sneaky, and downright magical.  Maybe it was voodoo, maybe I'm just a tease, who's to say, really?  But anyway, this is kind of a list of the different types of guys I've left in the dust.  I don't know why I'm really telling any of you fine ebaumers, but hell, why not?  These are all complete truth.

The Faux Scotsman

This little lovely actually talked in a Scottish accent in public.  He felt it made him interesting.  He even wore a kilt on occasion.  He liked Christian screamo music.  How you mix the two, I'll never know.  He played guitar, and "dabbled" on the piano.  He always thought he was such a ladies' man, but really, not so much.  He was actually quite rude, and got kneed in the balls at a concert with me one time for calling this chick "the good kind of ugly."

The Depressed Poet

This dude, well, the title kind of says enough.  He was always trying to find himself in whatever life would hand him.  He wrote a lot of poetry, all this deep, dark, morbid end-of-the-world type stuff.  He played guitar.  (Speaking of which, I do have a pattern:  Musicians)  He also had a penchant for screamo-hardcore music.  He always thought he was so original, but he was about as scene as it gets.

The Whiner/Gamer

Oh boy, he was a real joy.  He never stopped whining.  He was so OVERprotective, he always thought that I was cheating on him, he didn't even want me to hang out with my guy friends.  However, he had a fetish about me being gang-banged by about 10 guys at once.  I'll never understand him.  I never want to.  He'd play Halo non-stop, and would say that I never wanted to do anything with him, when he'd break plans with me to play his obsession.  He was a little weirdo.  I dropped him like a hot potato when he decided he didn't want me hanging out with my friends anymore.  Sisters before misters, buddy.

The Bull Rider

Yes, he actually rode bulls for a living.  He was pretty good, too, until he fell and screwed up his back.  Played guitar as well.  I think my problem with him was mostly two things.  He was just NOT an intelligent person (or it could have just been the southern drawl).  And he never appreciated me taking care of him while he was in a back-brace. 

The Graffiti Artist/DJ

He Djed, obviously, and moonlighted (literally) as a hoodlum.  He liked to vandalize just about every brick building he could find.  He was creative with it, I suppose. 

The Army Boy/Ex Con

After basic training he was shipped to Iraq.  On leave, he decided to be a greedy little bastard and was arrested for B&E of three different houses on the same night.  I can't even wrap my head around this guy.  I'm sure he got a dishonorable discharge, I haven't really asked him about it, though I haven't talked to him in a while.  (arrest happened AFTER we dated)

The Skater/Doobie Boy

This guy loved to skate.  He'd skate just about everywhere.  In it for the love of it, I guess.  Not so much into tricks, just as a mode of transportation and fun.  Guitar and saxaphone player.  He also had a love of marijuana.  I don't mind if you do it, just don't decide to whip out a joint in my car and start smoking it, right as we drive past the municipal police station.  Or for that matter, don't do it around me in general, I don't want to smell like a burning field in any country of South America.

The Skater/Artist

He has a plethora of tattoos and piercings.  Paints, draws, writes music/plays guitar, piano/sings, etc.  He was always a goofball.  He loves to skate as well.  Makes up his own tricks, skates everywhere he goes.  Makes fun of life a lot, and doesn't take too much seriously.  He didn't like my friends though, he thought they were turning me against him.  He was really paranoid about a lot of things actually.

The Theatre Kid

What a charmer.  Actors really do know how to bullshit you, I must say.  I am fully aware of this after being around them for years, acting alongside them.  He was a sweet talker, and would say just what he thought I wanted to hear.  I knew he was lying through his teeth most of the time, but he was a fun dude to hang out with.  Always had great stories, tales, experiences to share with the crowd.  Anytime he had an audience, he was in heaven.  Especially when he groped me and shoved his tongue down my throat in front of some of my family members after a show.  He really was a terrible kisser.

The German

He was actually a complete sweetheart, I don't have anything bad to say about him really.  He taught me how to waltz during rehearsal for a play we were both in once.  He also put me up after I passed out during a blood-drive.  He was a complete gentleman, and man did I love that accent.  The thing that ended it was that he moved back to Germany. =(  He is the only exception to my loser chain.


For the most part, I really know how to pick them, eh?  I mean, seriously, is it too much to ask for a guy version of me?  lol.  I'd like a guy who's intelligent, can atleast tolerate musicals/plays/Disney, LOVES dogs, is musical, of course, we need to keep up with the pattern... cynical/sarcastic sense of humor, likes James Bond movies, and who can handle my stubbornness.  Other criteria as well, I'm just too tired to think of any =P  I might as well try to cook one up, it's been looking pretty bleak so far.


OK, I'm changing the criteria a few hours later, because I don't know what the hell kind of stuff I was thinking last night.  I really need to sleep more.  In fact, I'll take a nap after this.  As far as musicals, it's more of the guy tolerating me liking them, I could care less if you come with me to see Sweeney Todd, Biloxi Blues, The Mikado, etc.  Just as long as you don't piss and moan and tell me I'm stupid for liking it.  Dogs are still a must, and don't let the picture of my dog fool you, he's not some high maintenance little cream puff, he's a killer.  I do have a golden retriever as well.  Sense of humor in general would be nice.  Can banter with me, and be competitive.  Intelligence is a must.  I am quite an intelligent person, I just have a complete lack of common sense thus so far, so a voice of reason would be lovely.  I'm still too tired, so that will be all.

Uploaded 11/16/2008
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