There's something I've noticed in my life's travels.
I've noticed how the term "offensive" is purely subjective. I've found many places online along with many one-liners that were supposedly examples of what being an insensitive cock was all about. However, the feedback on these places were divided.
Some loved how unafraid people are of speaking about the taboo.
Some damned those who had the audacity to joke about serious issues.
But the fact remains, I have yet to see ONE subject that can be considered universally offensive.
Here lies my quest for you, dearest eBaums users. I will compile a list of offensive topics, and each one of you will decide whether or not they are offensive/obscene/insensitive/whatever. After you're done, post your results, as I'm sure they will vary from person to person.
Feel free to post anything I may have missed. And remember:
I am trying to find ONE (1) UNIVERSALLY OFFENSIVE TOPIC.
NOTE: The answers in this quiz are not very serious. If none of these answers apply to you and you really want to see how insensitive you are, then refer to this key:
a = "Offensive"
b = "Somewhat Offensive"
c = "Not Very Offensive"
d = "Not Offensive At All"
Each "a" answer is worth 3 points.
Each "b" answer is worth 2 points.
Each "c" answer is worth 1 point.
Each "d" answer is worth 0 points.
1) RAPE JOKES
a) If I were to ever hear one, I would become severely pissed off.
b) Some of these jokes are funny, but not all of them.
c) I laugh at most rape jokes.
d) I will attempt rape any chance I get.
2) WORLD TRADE CENTER JOKES
a) Nobody should ever joke about the events of 9/11.
b) I've chuckled a few times at the thought of "Twin Tower" salt and pepper shakers, but not often.
c) There's no such thing as "too soon".
d) I watch 9/11 footage, eat popcorn, and laugh like a pirate.
3) RACIAL JOKES
a) No group of people should ever be subject to jokes about their heritage.
b) I like a good race joke every now and then, but I could never tell one.
c) I recite black jokes like it's my job.
d) I make up race jokes.
4) DEAD BABY JOKES
a) People who repeat these jokes are monsters
b) Kinda gross, but I don't really care too much when I hear them.
c) Always funny.
d) I eat dead babies.
a) .... should never be talked about except in the comfort of your own home.
b) .... isn't something I talk about too much.
c) .... is something I'll talk about over a chicken teriyaki dinner.
d) .... is a procedure I want to learn.
6) ANIMAL CRUELTY
a) It is a horiffic crime, and penalties for such a crime should be more harsh than they are.
b) Animals are living creatures, but an animal's life is not equal to a human's.
c) I could care less if I run over my neighbor's cat.
d) Animals are made to be eaten or beaten.
a) I can't stand hearing people swear.
b) I swear on a regular basis, but I watch where I do it.
c) I swear all the time, no matter where I am.
d) I scream obscenities at strollers.
8) PEDOPHILE JOKES
a) Pedophilia is disgusting, and cannot be tolerated in any way.
b) I'll laugh, but I won't repeat them.
c) There aren't enough of them.
d) I jerk off after hearing them.
a) Objectifying any gender or person is wrong.
b) I enjoy porn, but children should never have access to any form of pornography.
c) We should all be exposed to porn at a young age. It's educational.
a) My beliefs are correct, and anybody who doesn't agree with me is inferior intellectually and morally.
b) I feel that we are free to worship whichever God we choose. I have faith in my own beliefs, but I'm willing to hear what you have to say.
c) I don't care.
d) If you even try and have some pseudo-intellectual conversation with me about religion, I'll stab you in the fucking face.
11) GAY JOKES
a) Homosexuals do not deserve to be ridiculed.
b) I'll laugh at gay jokes, but I don't hate gays.
c) I don't have anything against gays, but I really do love a good homo joke.
d) I hate fags.
a) Disgusting. It should be removed completely from the internet.
b) Gross. I just look away every time I see it.
c) Funny. I save it as my roommate's desktop pattern every chance I get.
d) Hysterical. I save it as the desktop pattern on every Kindergarten classroom computer I can.
a) Not funny. He makes his living through blind hatred.
b) Has his moments.
c) I'll read him on a regular basis. He was a pioneer in online cynicism.
d) He's an amateur compared to the shit that I've read.
a) No American can ever make fun of their president and be an American at the same time.
b) You shouldn't make fun of your president, but I don't consider you a terrorist if you do.
c) Bush-bashing is inevitable. Every leader is bound to get made fun of, so just suck it up, nancy-boy.
d) I encourage Bush-bashing and I feel that it should be a CORE class in Political Science.
15) PRESIDENTIAL ASSASSINATION REFERENCES
a) Cowardly and unamerican.
b) I don't know if I should laugh or not.... it depends on how serious they are, I guess.
c) I don't care if people say "Kill George Bush". It doesn't concern me.
d) I don't care if the president is killed. It's his fault for blocking the bullet with his face.
16) INEQUAL RIGHTS FOR WOMEN
a) It is a serious issue, especially in the workplace.
b) Women are equal to men, but I'll laugh at a few jokes at a woman's expense. As long as it's not tasteless.
c) Women need to lighten up. They aren't looking for equal rights. They're looking for special rights.
d) Oxymoron: Women's Rights.
17) FAT JOKES
a) How can anybody make fun of an obese person?
b) How can anybody make fun of an obese person in public?
c) How can anybody become obese?
d) How can anybody NOT make fun of an obese person?
18) "YO MOMMA" JOKES
a) Dontchoo be talkin' 'bout my momma.....
b) They were funny..... back in the sixth grade.
c) ..... oh yeah? Well yo momma is so stupid.....
d) What about my mom? I just got done having sex with yours.
19) PHOTOGRAPHS OF TORTURE
a) Nobody should ever be tortured.
b) Torture is wrong, but some people deserve it.
c) I think torture can actually be useful in dealing with criminals.
d) I think torture can actually be useful in dealing with everybody.
20) THE WORD "GOD" IN THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE
a) Nobody should ever be forced to refer to a deity they might not believe in.
b) People should be allowed to refrain from saying "Under God" if they decide not to.
c) This is the way that I was taught, this is the way I'll say it. Don't screw around with the pledge, please.
d) I might not have the same God as you, but it's the Pledge of Fucking Allegiance. Say your Goddamn line.
21) NOT SALUTING THE AMERICAN FLAG
a) If you're trying to live in America, work in America, breathe American air and spend American money, then you sure as hell better salute our fucking flag.
b) So let me get this straight..... you want to live and work in our country but you don't want to be a citizen? Explain.
c) Come on in. We live in the land of opportunity. Everybody deserves a chance to live the American dream.
d) I don't care where your allegiance lies. Mow my Goddamn lawn.
22) PRO-LIFE ACTIVISTS
a) Put your disgusting signs down. Nobody should ever have your ideals forced down their throats.
b) Say what you want. I'll listen. But don't spout off your shit in front of kids, you pricks.
c) Say what you want. I probably won't listen.
d) Give me one of your signs.
23) THE WORD "CUNT"
a) It is the worst word ever created.
b) It's a pretty bad word, but no worse than any other swearword.
c) It's used too often now to be considered a terrible word.
d) Twat? Twat? I cunt seem to hear you.
24) CHILD PORNOGRAPHY
25) MUHAMMAD CARTOONS
a) If my God was ever attacked through the media, I would most certainly fight back.
b) I would be offended, but I also know that cartoonists express their views in a much different way than I do. People are entitled to their beliefs.
c) I'm interested in the world's views on Jesus and Christianity. Just don't stomp on my balls after breaking them.....
d) Those cartoons sucked. They could've done so much better.
26) CARTOON/VIDEO GAME/MEDIA VIOLENCE
a) These games should be banned. Kids will think it's ok to pick up a gun and shoot their friends.
b) Parents should monitor what their kids play. Exposing them to violence at a young age is wrong.
c) Kids have been pretending to play with guns since the day guns were invented. Screw you for being so paranoid.
d) Kids should be given guns. The dumb ones will eventually die off. Natural selection, bitches.
27) "DRAWN TOGETHER"
a) I admire Princess Clara
b) I respect Foxxy Love
c) I venerate Captain Hero
d) I idolize Spanky Ham
28) RACIAL SLURS
a) I refuse to use them.
b) I really don't like hearing people use them, but they're just words in the end.
c) They're words, but depending on the person, they can be applicable.
d) I love slurs. They're what makes other people so damned easy to laugh at.
29) "THE ARISTOCRATS" JOKE/DOCUMENTARY
a) Obscene, gross, and flat-out awful. I can't ever listen to that joke.
b) The joke is disgusting, but at least the movie pretended to be interesting.
c) I can't say I like the joke, but the movie was pretty funny.
d) The joke will always be funny, and the movie is a work of art.
30) GROWINGFAMILY.COM VANDALISM
a) No parent should ever read anybody's negative comments about their children.
b) Whoever vandalized Growingfamily should be ashamed..... however, it was their fault for not having better protection.
c) People need to lighten up. If anybody is to blame, it has to be the security on that website. Bunch of amateurs.....
d) Friggin' hilarious, guys. I laughed so hard I shit myself.
0-25 = You're probably lying. Such irreverence is only spoken of in fables and lore. If you managed to get this score without cheating, I congratulate you. It must take a lot of work to be a dick.
26-50 = For your average eBaums user, this is probably where you want to be. You're honest with yourself and other people, yet you still maintain your sense of humor regardless of the situation. Granted, timing may be a factor, but you generally feel that lines are made to be blurred or even crossed.
51-70 = You're a little too sensitive for your own good. You have a very serious outlook on things, and you feel that making light of a serious matter is, for the most part, a bad thing. The good thing is that you're not overzealous about the way you feel.
71+ = You are WAY too sensitive, you pansy. Either you cheated to get a score this high, or you're a complete whackjob. Either way, you are on the wrong website and you need to leave now. Nice work you fucking psycho.