As some of you may know, I converse regularly with the deceased spirit of Simon "Schlitzie" Metz. Schlitze contacts me from beyond the grave, via e-mail, about once a year or so. This has been going on for at least the last fifteen years. Usually, Schlitzie's e-mails are quite short and concise - he's not a discarnate spirit of many words, to be sure. However, this last correspondence that I have received from Schlitzie was quite long and seemingly very involved and broad in scope. Schlitzie most certainly has a lot of information to impart, and seems to be quite riled up about something.

     Knowing my regular readers as I do (of which I have none - seeing as how this is my very first blog post) I'm certain that many of you would be interested in reading Schlitzie's latest letter to me for yourself. So, in order to placate your sexy, sexy wants, I reproduce it here, in full:

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Ungh-taow!

Grung jib fuhgwa bagoom. Lib-lib druhg gunga wa-hoof bessta gug mah-gang, ghag wafow tozga, gra-goooo goo wung wung. Dizza jum miggy whuck kuff la-la brinkzy ghug. Tyvek! Jibble bagoom oof graf wafow wung wung. Jip jip gug shmeg wangha brooom guggle dizz-wheee, grug lanka jum wa-ghooo. Fig-wiggee haroooo goog miggy wuz-khang. Jibble oof fuhgwa ghoon-neee bruk-bruk diz whoog ungoaw fruggle wuzza. Yan-ghoo lib-lib jum jeck buggeez. Fugwa gha-wooo jug biggle biggle slurm-puh jag-heee fug-wum. Tykev mong-gha! Jig jig figgle wumple goo-gah ghag bagoom. Brump goog-mah kuff wafow ghug.

Bruk-bruk? Wangha juhg miggy brum! Ghig-hal, mug vugga oof jibble ungoaw bip-bip mungha. Fung-wa guggle oof graf harooo, ghug dizza jum miggy whuck, bung-whee gorga - jip jip pooory kuffa.

Ghal-phing unga guzzig:

- Fugwa gha-wooo bup bup.
- Fugwa gha-wooo miggy ghag.
- Fugwa gha-wooo la-la jibble oof.

Bagoom rozza ghug clak? Tyvek! Gugga-gugga ghoon-neee brinkzy la-la ghoom jup rorga wung wung! Shlip-gunga fogwa wan-ghoo puggy wuzzle barg-blarg junga. Gorgha-hunga? Bral-glap: Gungh-weeee, bunga-groop, fug-biggle, glagga, gorg prap. Lib-lib druhg munga tubble ghug oof lanka lanka jip-jip niggit. Hoof-ah-kweee ghunga lung-boo kuff jum figguh, buhg jibble bah-rooom tugzzle, jum mon-gha bruk-bruk gorga wafow oof.

Fig-wigee haroooo juhg fogwa goog bung-hal-wa-heeee ungoaw oof graf. Jip jip gug banga lanka-lanka jum kuff wa-ghooo. Grung wafow bruk-bruk jibble wangha gorzek, vugga oof pooory kuffa. Lug-biggha hug-bram jum drooom jipple-yak glug-glug nungha kruk blang ghoog hoof. Dizza rak ungah bloz wow-wow-wow! La gug wuz fowgeee jung-humma forg-wizeee lug-pooory wugga gizzle gug fwop. Gorgha jum fuggle wumpa glip morgo sah-da glug form-gul wugga bump. Lugga-lugga jum shooon-wigguh fump. Brup ungoaw jum shmeg wafow ghug buzzah fwug bruk-bruk kuff oof guggle, ungah wowza gug drooom fug-wum bagoom. Lugga-lugga jum fuhgwa oof juhg lanka, wa-ghooo jum migga. Tyvek mong-gha!

Jo, gugga wung swah mugga? Fugwa gha-wooo miggy ghag!

Lanka-lanka jibba ghug jip jip pooory kuffa. Tyvek. Bhag bup bup. Bhag la-la jibble oof. Fugwa gha-whoo miggy ghag! MIGGY GHAG!!!

Junga wuggle ungoaw buzza shlump goo-gha wheeee. Ghig-hal slurm-puh jag-heee fug-wum. Tyvek! Jibble bagoom ungha blok-gheee jum gizzle frum-frum buzza gunga. Dah ba-hig bheee buzz-oooh unga jum guggle shmuh, figg-uh ugh joomp, lugga whuck jum froom buzza wuk lunga grunk. Fugwa ghig jungga buggle: "Horchata" jum "taco" jum "enchilada." Shwoom fugga ungoaw lanka-lanka glug-glug wah-wung wafow ghung. Fump gunga rozza drooom buzza ka-neeee. Rugga ghoon unga bip-bip. Ghig-hal, fugga wa-hoof tozga ungaow jum oof graf harooo.

Lug-bigga ungoaw fuggle wump: "Spell-checker." Bugga ghung wuzzle droom! Gaggug-muh! :)

Ghung-kroo,
Igtzahee

X.J - Frump-ah ghug mung-weee shumple fug jip jip grog lunga. - XOXOXOXO

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