Once Upon a time I went clubbing with my friend Richard.  We totally forgot that there are no seals in Toronto Canada.   Instead we went night clubbing.  Then we realized we have nothing against black people, so we put down the bats and just went to an actual night club.  Toronto’s night clubs have the finest looking ladies.   But these clubs also have the greasiest men Douchbagville (Yes it is a real place in Canada) has to offer .  These men are also known as Ginos.  Lets just say if you took out all the oil in one Gino’s hair you will be able to run sixteen cars.   

            Richard and I are drinking our first beer of the night and checking out all the fine ladies. Apparently this club puts pretty much anyone on the guest list because at 11:31pm Bigfoot shows up. True story I swear.  Bigfoot came in with a few hostages.  I would say friends but Bigfoot doesn’t have any friends except for  El Chupacabra.  Now then if there is one thing that I love, it would have to be a charity case.  Trying to get Bigfoot’s number is the biggest charity case stunt you could ever do.  I decided to make that my mission of the night.

            I walk my way over to Bigfoot and I start the small talk.  Turns out her name is Amy and she loves dogs and is currently attending University.  She says her dream is to sail around the world.  During all this chit chat I was holding back a lot of pain because she was stepping on my foot.  I bought Bigfoot I mean Amy a few drinks.  Amy and I drank down three Screwdrivers.  It is a known fact that all Bigfoots love Screwdrivers. 

            At the end of the night it turns out all of Amy’s hostages or as she calls them “friends” had escaped.  Or as she says it “ditched out.” Amy was by herself with no ride home.  This was my chance to seal the deal.  I told my friend Richard I was going to drive Bigfoot home in my shit box aka Honda.  Richard was ok with this and found his own way home.  I drive her for three hours into the middle of the woods.  I open the door and I say “Here we are your home.”  Apparently this Bigfoot lived in a small house in Vaughn Ontario.

            When I finally arrived at her house she asked me if I liked to come inside.  I was excited for I have never been inside a Bigfoot’s home. One thing lead to another and next thing you know I end up waking up the next morning in Bigfoot’s bed. Very comfy.  Amy wakes up and looks at me and says. “Wow last night was amazing.”

            Of all the charity cases I have done this one tops them all so now I can proudly say “I fucked Bigfoot”…. BOO YEAH!!!!!