*This was a rarely, re-aired skit on SNL from 1989. I remember it fondly. I think I may even have the VHS tape somewhere. I should look into that. I was a junior in high school when this originally aired. On Saturdays, I would tape SNL to watch later cuz I was out with my posse cold tearing shit up. I digress.
Not much has changed since then...only everything and nothing. I still have the same fears and concerns about myself. The main fear is saying more than I should. You know, totally removing the filter. Or worse yet, there will be an iPhone app that allows the user to read people's thoughts; namely mine. Here is what they might find:
- I am afraid some people think I am much smarter than I really am.
- I love it that some people think I am dumber than I really am.
- I find something attractive about nearly every girl I see.
- I find something completely annoying with every girl I see.
- I picture every girl naked...usually a bad idea.
- I long to be a serial killer. Not because I want to kill people...but because they are loners who have no conscience and answer to no one but the voices in their head.
- I am scared that I will engage in a conversation with some one at some point and suddenly sirens will go off and the Gestapo will come yelling, "This is the one! The one we have been searching for! He's what's wrong with everything!"
- I usually think I'm the best looking, most physically fit guy in the room. Regardless of whom I'm with.
- A small corner recess of my brain still holds on to the belief that I'm a unique, unequaled, lone wolf prowling the Earth in search of fair maidens to bed, masterpieces to write, and wisdom to spread. I live in that small recess a lot.
- I know that relative to the mountain of things there are to know, I know nothing about anything and it frightens me to the core.