A few months ago I took the time to watch "The Perfect Storm." For those that don't know about the movie, I'll break it down for you real quickly:

Some fishermen, (with the help of George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg) have a shitty catch one day, so the George Clooney convinces them to go on one last little expedition. Sounds like that movie "Without a Paddle," right? Well, it sort of heads south from there. They have a great catch, but their ice machine breaks, so all of their fish will spoil if they don't make it home soon. So they go through a big ass hurricane, show some clips of their loved ones back home, and die. Yes, it's all very sad.

However, being the sort of guy who needs to find humor in life, I looked out for any funny parts. I discovered a goldmine of comical racism.

There is a crewman by the name of Alfred Pierre on the ship. He's mexican, or portuguese, or something. Truth is, I don't know, and he sure doesn't fit in with the new englanders who run the ship.

I first noticed this when he was always referred to as Alfred Pierre. Not Alfred, not Al, no...Alfred Pierre. During the funeral scene, (a very moving part of the flick) the woman, who I want to say was Kathy Bates, says something to the effect of:

"...we will never forget you, 'Billy,' 'Bobby,' 'Chris,' Dale, David, and Alfred Pierre."

This completely ruins the whole atmosphere. I honestly burst out in laughter at this incredibly emotional scene. I love how all of the other guys have great nicknames, but Alfred Pierre can't even go by just his first name. It gets even better though.

On the wikipedia article for the movie, it has a list of all the characters, the actor, notable things the character did, yadda yadda. So it's like:Captain William "Billy" Tyne - Captain of the ship, divorced father, blah-blah-blah, talks about his family, etc.

Robert "Bobby" Shatford - Youngest and most experienced, blah blah talks about his love life, yaddah yaddah.

This continues down the list, until we see ol' Alfred Pierre. Of course, his is the shortest. By far.

Alfred Pierre - A crew member on the ship.

Are you fucking kidding me? I looked this up as soon as the movie was over, and laughed for about 10 more minutes. Man those producers are fucked up.

This blog is dedicated to Alfred Pierre, who never got his nickname.