There I was: settled in for the long haul with a book and beer.  It was a slow and dry shit that required patience.  When in the course of purging, I was overcome with a malevolent sneeze that resulted in the complete expulsion of my bowels in one violent shot.  The deluge that splashed upwards rivaled that of the most taut fireman's hose.  Needless to say, I cried a little while grabbing my ankles after my own ass raped itself.