I deticate this blog to: the_big_bad (due to the lack of intrest he sees on this blog page)
Once upon a time I was a captain of a ship. It wasn't a pirate ship like I requested in my application. I was captain of the ship called Titanic. That's right I was the captain of the Titanic what's it to you? Ok the engines weren't as big as they say they were in the history books. In fact the entire ship was powered by 275 dogs and 147 cats running on a treadmill at a speed of 40km/h. True story I swear! It is in the back of the history books somewhere in small print. Besides this way was evironmentally friendly. Anyways I was down in the car garage eating my lunch inside of a car and in front of me was another car which had a couple who snuck into that car to have sex. It was the best thirty minute break I have ever had as a captain. At the end of my break I start honking the horn and yelling at the couple. "Get a move on! What is this, a parking lot?" The couple was scared shitless. I then say. "Oops! This is a parking lot my bad. I hope I didn't ruin your sex." The couple ran away scared and confused to what just happen, while I just returned to work laughing. As I got back to my post I noticed we hit colder water and up ahead was an iceberg. This iceberg was huge it even had fifty penguins on it. So I made a bet with one of my shipmates that I can drive the ship close enough to the iceberg and scare off all the penguins. Well I turned the ship away a bit too late and ended up crashing right into the iceberg killing at least twelve penguins. Not really my intent but still cool. Everyone was running and screaming I had no idea why. It wasn't until I notice there was water around my ankles that my ship was sinking. I called my ship the unsinkable. Bah! Irony is a bitch isn't it? The ship was sinking quite fast and people kept on mentioning to me that there weren't enough life boats. Well there were enough life boats I just destroyed six of them for fire wood. I'll admit that was my bad. I decided to take responsibility for my actions. I first went down to the base of the ship where the water was coming in and sealed it up with planks of wood. When I was finished I took all the remaining cats and dogs that lived through the crash tied a rope around them. I then tied the other end of the rope to the ship. I dunked the cats and dogs into the water and forced them to swim pulling the boat to the shores of New York City. I saved 1,517 people that day. As for the cats and dogs they all died. By the way, whatever James Cameron or the history book tells you. It is all full of crap.