The Tragic Story of Edbert Rosenberg: The Man, The Myth, The Jew

Awaking from a deep slumber on a cold and gloomy Saturday afternoon after a hard weeks work as a door to door professional toilet paper salesman Edbert Rosenberg proceeded over to his downstairs airing cupboard where his boiler was located. He unbuttoned his greasy shit stained army style camo, Star of David embroided boxer shorts, pulled out the scruff of cotton wool he used to seal the pipe on the side of his boiler and urinated into the pipe until he had filled the boiler. As Edbert hadn't paid his water or heating bills in over a year his only alternative was to heat his bath water the radiators around his house with warm urine. Indeed it did take a subhuman amount of urine to fill a domestic boiler but as he regularly fed on the breast milk of the rats which infested his basement Edbert always had a bladder full of warm, rabies infested rat milk piss.

After warming up his domestic heating system with his warm urine Edbert filled his bath tub, removed his greasy shit stained boxer shorts and his semen stained Star Trek vest and climbed into his bath tub. After approximately half an hour of scraping away the thick crusty layers of knob cheese from under the rim of his bell end with a George Foreman spachelor and sexually pleasing himself to the collection of photographs blue tacked around his bath tub of angry Black midgets engaging in horrific acts of extreme bondage he dried himself off with a towel he had knitted himself from the fur of dead rats in his basement, dressed himself in his smartest attire, an RIP Barry Chuckle tribute sweater and a pair of Hawaiian shorts covered in tomato sauce stains. 

After bathing and dressing himself appropriately Edbert ventured of his house to the Church Of Warburtons Sliced Bread. As tradition once there he removed all of his clothing, pulled a Warburtons Barm cake from his prolapsed anus which he had concealed there overnight and placed his penis in between the 2 buns. He then knelt down in front of a shrine to Thomas Warburton the founder of Warburtons bread and serenaded the photographs on the shrine surrounded by candles. After declaring his undying love for Thomas Warburton and Every variety of Warburtons Sliced Bread Edbert proceeded to masturbate with the buns around his penis and ejaculated inbetween the buns which he then ate before thanking Thomas Warburton for the fine delicacy of which he was about to feast upon as he did every Saturday afternoon. 

Later that night Edbert was admitted to A&E after contracting extreme fungal toe nail disorder from the rat milk which he had been drinking earlier that day. After hours of medical testing Doctors were amazed to discover that Edbert Rosenberg was pregnant with a half Jewish and half Warburtons Sliced Bread baby boy. In a sudden outburst of shock and dismay at this news Edbert ran to the roof of the building and pencil dived off of the roof, landing on top of an 82 year old man outside aided by a zimmer frame who was taking part in a charity run for mentally challenged snails. Amazingly the 82 year old survived but Edbert passed away shortly on an operating table after being rushed into surgery. The cause of death was unknown but said to be somehow related to an healthy obsession with Barry Chuckle, Star Trek: Enterprise and of course Warburtons Sliced Bread. But of course the moral of this story is...

Always wear a condom. 
Uploaded 02/20/2012
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