The Witch Doctor Lady of South Tampa

Gather round kids. Today is the story of:
The Witch Doctor Lady of South Tampa
The First Sighting
Like most stories worth telling, this one started at a party. Not just any party though, a Halo party. Back in high school we'd get together and play Halo 2 til the wee hours of the morning. The good ol' days.  Anywho, sometimes if we were bored, like say someone decided we should play to fucking 250 kills on Blood Gulch with nothing but energy swords and grenades. Down by over 100, the only fun thing to do at that point is to chuck a plasma straight up and try and catch it with your face. When this occured, we would take a break and walk the neighborhood. 8 teens walking through the neighborhood jacked up on soda and pixie stix and.......sugary stuff, hide the lawn gnomes. One weekend we were coming back from a walk (which the only reason we ever headed back was if we did something where the cops would get called) and someone noticed a person up ahead. It was too dark to tell male or female but. there was enough to see to know this was a weird individual.
The subject in question was about 5'3" wearing a tattered cover, like a cross between a dress and a poncho. It was asian looking in design and came half way down it's calves. It had what I assume were tree bark sandals, judging but the scraping sound they made across the ground as it walked. The hair was a complete mess. Black in color, the left side was completely puffed out into a fro and the right side was a fro with random braids throughout it, the back was in 3 ponytails. It carried a stick, nothing out ot the normal about that.....................

I don't know about you, but WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

It's god. It reminded me of a marching band drum major, legs kicking high into the air in front of it. it threw it's arms up and down shaking the stick. The legs were spread wide open like a frogs making this a walk worthy of the Monty Python Ministry of Silly Walks.

We all watched it, some laughing, some just staring. And then It stopped. It turned. It looked at us. Due to the distance and the low light on the street. we still couldn't see it's face. All I could make out was the shine from a necklace. I could feel it looking at us, and I knew it was a woman.

"Any buddy else want to get the fuck back?"


We turn and take another street to the apartment as she continued on her way down the street. The night ended with some more gaming pizza/sugar induced comas.

The Second Sighting

Once again we found our selves playing Halo 2 at the pad waiting for the last couple people to show up. Suddenly the door burst open and one of my friends is standing there, out of breath.
"She's fucking back. She's outside right now."
"That freaky lady we saw last week"
"That witch doctor lookin' bitch?"
"Yeah, come on"
We all ran outside. We talked over the past week about what happened and gave her nicknames, thought up reasons she walks like she does, where she lives and what she does.  There was something about her that scared the shit out of us, yet we needed to see her again and up close. We crept around the front of the building to the side facing the side street. Sure enough there she was walking down the street away from us yet again.

We followed her, slumping behind cars and in bushes so she couldn't see us this time. Every couple seconds she would shout some mumble jumbles and keep going with her crazy walk. Being there were about 7 of us this evening I was suprised at how quiet we were. We were within 30 feet of her as we neared the end of the street. With nowhere left to hide we all had to expose ourselves (not penises flapping and what not, just stepping out into the light (and not into the light like we were all dying, just stepping into the light coming from the street lights (not that street lights......nah, just kidding))) to continue the hunt.

Once again she stopped, and slowly turned towards us. Seeing all of us following her this late at night (around 10pm) startled her. She gave this little yip and started her walk, going double speed if you can believe it. She turned down the sidewalk of the next street and followed the path behind a 6 foot privacy fence.

"hurry up... she's getting away"

We turned the corner no more then 5 seconds behind her and she was fucking gone, like a freakin' WITCH DOCTOR!......lady

The Final Sighting

Bet you can't guess what we were doing. If you guessed having an all male orgy, your right about being WRONG! Here, because I'm not one to bore people with repetitive bullshit, we were all watching someone play Fable. We were there early this week so we didn't start with Halo. My friend Crook had never ridden my bike (scooter for those who didn't see the last blog). We went out front and he hopped on. I reluctantly gave him the key and he turned it on. Trying to be cool he tried to rev it. That shit don't work on a scooter. He shot forward and hit a god damn parking spot stop and went down hard. Broke the fucking trumk right off. Nothing duct tape couldn't fix. *by the way, anyone interested in a 2004 panterra fusion 49cc gas scooter with 29,000 miles on it, let me know. only asking $1000 plus a twix (never know when your gonna need a moment)*

As I was picking my baby up I saw her. I dropped her (oops, i'll kick myself later. not like i ran it into a wall or something) and turned around. They already saw her. We set a goal during the week that someone needs to get a good look at her face. All we'd seen so far was the back of her and her goofy ass walk. We were curious.

"Alright, someone needs to go now before she fucking disappears again"

"I'll do it" Crook opted himself for the task.

As she went around the building on her route and then down the side street, we came around the side behind her. Crook started walking towards her and quickened to a trot. About 50 feet from her he broke into a full run. 5 feet away and she spun around and was face to face with him.

"LOOK ATTA YOU!!!!!!" she shouts

"SHIT!!!" and he punched her.

He hauled ass back towards us. This bitch only had ONE EYE!. No fucking patch, just a big hole.

"Did you just punch her in the face?!?"

"Did you see her??? Scared the shit outta me!"

She ran down the street faster than we've ever seen her move. She jumped behind a car parked in a drive way 3 houses down. I don't know if she hid there or if she teleported. We all ran back inside cause we weren't gonna wait around for her to come back with her voodoo dolls and curses.

We all ran inside and locked the door, pushed the couch in front of it and played Halo 2.

We never saw her after that. I'm sure she's around here somewhere, trying to find the little fucking bastard that broke her nose. Thank god it wasn't me.


Uploaded 09/25/2008
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