Why is it so impressive to sleep on a bed of nails? There’s obviously a trick to it that makes it not hurt. I think the real challenge is sleeping in a bed filled with needles. You just know that’s not gonna end well.
I’ve gone for rolls in the hay and it is nothing like sex.
Sometimes I’ll do shots of mouthwash. It gets me a little tipsy and gives me great breath.
I think baseball should introduce a longstop position, just in case the shortstop misses the ball.
Who decided that we needed both North and South Dakota. It seems like a lot of wasted paperwork to me.
Catching flies with your hands is fun, but catching frogs with your feet is a lot more satisfying.
I like to wear two undershirts most days because you never know when you’ll walk into a strip poker game.
I want to open up a bar called “Creed’s Meads” and bring mead back to how popular it was during the American Revolution. It’ll be right between my book store and woodwind instrument shop – Creed’s Reads and Creed’s Reeds.
Why hasn’t anyone built a live-action version of Chutes and Ladders? I’d be first in line to play.
I’ve always thought that shopping carts are just mobile jails for food and all the prisoners are sentenced to death by ingestion. Kind of makes you shop differently, huh?