To die alone isn't really that bad is it, while i may not be able to see the future i know from my past that i am destined to die alone, and i have accepted that, while there are still many years (hopefully) before that day comes, there is no doubt in my mind that i will die alone, after being on this earth for the better part of 29 years, I have yet to have a girlfriend pathetic i know, my mental stability is out the window, there is no way to describe it either, gripped by fear of rejection. 
While it is said that you never know unless you try, the countless turn downs weaken a persons resolve, your mind set becomes that there is no point in asking when you already know the outcome, High school was not a friendly place for a boy who stood only five foot nine and weighed nearly three hundred pounds, it didn't help the fact that I become focused one one person and one person alone.
the fear of rejection can cripple you, it did me, now i must give her credit each and every time she turned me down she did it with style and class, which i believe is a reason that i could not simply brush her aside and move on to the next girl that caught my attention. I know i made several mistakes the first one being waiting so long to even approach her, let alone let her know i liked her, but when i was rejected that just started a domino effect for me, had made myself believe that i was not good enough for her that I would not be good enough for anyone, years went by, and here i sit 29 and forever single.
for those of you with negative comments i could care less about what you say or think, I did not write this to get sympathy either, i just needed to clear my mind.