personally I donâ€™t care for telemarketers, in fact I really donâ€™t care for them. They call at the most inoppertune times - when youâ€™re eating, sleeping, relaxing, or just sitting around doing nothing (yea even then itâ€™s annoying). In the even you have alittle time on your hands and want to really ensure they donâ€™t call back (letâ€™s face it, the National Do Not Call List only goes so far)â€¦ here is the F&J top 10 list for getting rid of a telemarketerâ€¦
- 1. Say, â€œNo,â€ over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as theyâ€™re trying to speak. Maybe sing a song with all â€œNoâ€™sâ€ This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.
- 2. If they want to loanÂ you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could it. Ask, â€œHow long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like that other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?â€
- 3. If they start out with, â€œHow are you today?â€ say, â€œWhy do you want to know?â€ Or you can say, â€œIâ€™m so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, myÂ colon is acting up again, myÂ rectum are sore, myÂ pet rockÂ just diedâ€¦â€ When they try to get back to the sales process, just keep talking about your problemsâ€¦ if they persist - ask them why they donâ€™t care.
- 4. If the person says heâ€™s JoeÂ Shmoe from theÂ Acme Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask for his address. Ask for landmarks. Continue asking questions about the company for as long as necessary.
- 5. This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: â€œHi, my name isÂ Jessica and Iâ€™m withÂ Roger DoddÂ Servicesâ€¦. You: â€œHang on a second.â€ (few seconds pause) â€œOkay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?â€
- 6. If you get one of those pushy sales people who just wonâ€™t shut up,Â patiently listen to their sales pitch. When they try to close the deal, tell them that youâ€™ll need to go getÂ your creditÂ card. Then, just set the phone down and go do laundry, go shopping or whatever. See how long that commission based scum waits for you to get your credit card.
- 7. If a long distance phone company calls trying to get you to sign upÂ for their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, â€œI donâ€™t have any friendsâ€¦ would you be my friend?â€ If that doesnâ€™t work, say â€œPlease.â€
- 8. Tell them you work for the same company they work for. For example: Telemarketer: â€œThis is John From Acme Sales.â€
You: â€œAcme Sales, hey I work for them too! Which center are you calling from?â€
Telemarketer: â€œUh, Dallas, Texas.â€
You: â€œGreat, howâ€™s business over there? The weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling toÂ employees! Oh well, see ya.â€
- 9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional â€œUh-huh, really, or, â€œThatâ€™s fascinating.â€ Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldnâ€™t give your credit card numberÂ to someone whoâ€™s a complete stranger. You might even find your soulmate.
- 10. Tell the telemarketer (this is my personal favorite) you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home (this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of telemarketers). If the sales person says, â€œWell, I donâ€™t really want to get a call at home,â€ say, â€œYa! Now you know how I feel.â€ (smiling, of courseâ€¦)