Transformers: Dark of the Moon
deathwish01b
Published
07/04/2011
So I went to see Transformers: Dark of the Moon today. Sitting in the air-conditioning is an improvement over fighting over box fans with the family, so, yeah, I was willing to go. So, let's see what we're dealing with here:
1. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is "Carly." Not even. In the original Transformers, Carly was a brainy girl who could jury rig Cybertronian tech quickly as a writer's convenience, and later became a background character and mother of Daniel Witwicky. In this movie, her main function is to be the movie's sex doll/eye candy/damsel in distress, and to provoke Megatron.
2. There's a red car named "Dino" in this. Dino, like Fred Flintstone's Dino. WTF? I thought the whole point of having Optimus be blue-with-flames, Ironhide be black and Sideswipe silver was because "red cars don't photograph well." Damn you, Michael Bay, you lied! Second, the least you could have done was tip your hat to the fans by naming him Cliffjumper.
3. The Autobot inventor/gadget-man's name is Q. Maybe it's supposed to be a nod to Q from James Bond or Hi-Q from the comics or both, but considering the treatment of the character, I think both of these individuals would back away slowly, and Wheeljack would just be glad they didn't stable HIS name on this character.
4. Leonard Nimoy is Sentinel Prime. You might think this would be a good thing, until he spouts "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." You could hear the facepalms over the sound effects, which is quite an achievement for a movie with so many explosions.
5. Megatron has an Insecticon-infested hole in his head. At first I thought they were repair-mechs like the Doc from the second movie, but considering how Megatron kept crushing and flicking them off himself, they're probably just Cybertronian headlice. MEGATRON! GET SOME PERSONAL HYGIENE!
6. Shockwave = one-eyed badass riding a Cybertronian version of a Dune worm. The Spice must flow! Looks like Michael Bay read all the emails regarding Shockwave, realized he was a fan favorite, and tried not to screw him up too badly.
7. Soundwave's back as a Mercedes-Benz with tentacles (and lines). And he brought Laserbeak. Laserbeak even manages not to get Jar-Jarred like his big brother Frenzy.
8. Cybertron looks like a construction scaffolding for a Jupiter-sized Death Star. Michael, have you even SEEN a picture of Cybertron? Couldn't you at least use the same Cybertron you used for the flashbacks in your previous movies? Never mind, you had a different Devastator in each of the last two movies. Consistency? What's that?
9. Optimus has a trailer now. Yeah, now you have to go out and buy the new Optimus Prime with the trailer. Cha-ching! Merchandi$ing!
10. People don't pay attention to the "silence your cell phones" and "no texting in the theater" messages. Yeah, I'm pretty sure there was a guy sitting in front of me recording the whole thing on his phone.
11. The running gag of the day is: Interrupted F-bombs! *facepalm*
1. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is "Carly." Not even. In the original Transformers, Carly was a brainy girl who could jury rig Cybertronian tech quickly as a writer's convenience, and later became a background character and mother of Daniel Witwicky. In this movie, her main function is to be the movie's sex doll/eye candy/damsel in distress, and to provoke Megatron.
2. There's a red car named "Dino" in this. Dino, like Fred Flintstone's Dino. WTF? I thought the whole point of having Optimus be blue-with-flames, Ironhide be black and Sideswipe silver was because "red cars don't photograph well." Damn you, Michael Bay, you lied! Second, the least you could have done was tip your hat to the fans by naming him Cliffjumper.
3. The Autobot inventor/gadget-man's name is Q. Maybe it's supposed to be a nod to Q from James Bond or Hi-Q from the comics or both, but considering the treatment of the character, I think both of these individuals would back away slowly, and Wheeljack would just be glad they didn't stable HIS name on this character.
4. Leonard Nimoy is Sentinel Prime. You might think this would be a good thing, until he spouts "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." You could hear the facepalms over the sound effects, which is quite an achievement for a movie with so many explosions.
5. Megatron has an Insecticon-infested hole in his head. At first I thought they were repair-mechs like the Doc from the second movie, but considering how Megatron kept crushing and flicking them off himself, they're probably just Cybertronian headlice. MEGATRON! GET SOME PERSONAL HYGIENE!
6. Shockwave = one-eyed badass riding a Cybertronian version of a Dune worm. The Spice must flow! Looks like Michael Bay read all the emails regarding Shockwave, realized he was a fan favorite, and tried not to screw him up too badly.
7. Soundwave's back as a Mercedes-Benz with tentacles (and lines). And he brought Laserbeak. Laserbeak even manages not to get Jar-Jarred like his big brother Frenzy.
8. Cybertron looks like a construction scaffolding for a Jupiter-sized Death Star. Michael, have you even SEEN a picture of Cybertron? Couldn't you at least use the same Cybertron you used for the flashbacks in your previous movies? Never mind, you had a different Devastator in each of the last two movies. Consistency? What's that?
9. Optimus has a trailer now. Yeah, now you have to go out and buy the new Optimus Prime with the trailer. Cha-ching! Merchandi$ing!
10. People don't pay attention to the "silence your cell phones" and "no texting in the theater" messages. Yeah, I'm pretty sure there was a guy sitting in front of me recording the whole thing on his phone.
11. The running gag of the day is: Interrupted F-bombs! *facepalm*
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