ugliness, in a word.

there is a question. "what makes someone attractive?" and i think that it is a question that everyone asks themselves at one point in time or another.

but i think a much more fitting question would be, "what makes a person ugly?" so here is a list of things that i personally believe make a person ugly.

- if you are fat.
now i'm no supermodel, and by no means am i talking to "pleasantly plump" people, but when you have let yourself go to the point that you can no longer participate in normal activities and/or normal hygiene. then you sir, are FAT. you have no one to blame but yourself, your lack of activity and surplus of eating has left you sweaty, greasy, and stinky.

- if you smell.
i am a man who works outside mostly, and to think that i would smell like clouds and teddy bears all day every day is an unnatural and impossible goal. BUT if you just don't bathe and assume that other people cannot smell you, just know that we can. and you stink. but don't worry there are other nasty smelly people in the world that will lovingly accept you the way you are.

- when you have multi-colored toenails
feet (aside from the BUTT HOLE) are probably the least attractive part of someones body, but this is no reason to neglect washing your feet. nobody likes shrek feet. NOBODY. and for the few out there with feet fetishes this can be a deal-breaker.

- gunk-mouth
have you ever smelled someones breath that just woke up and yawned in your face? thats what you smell like every time you don't brush your teeth. you'll be hard pressed to find someone who enjoys kissing a shit tasting mouth. and then you have to ask yourself "why do they like shit mouths?"

- stupidity
even the hottest blonde girl loses sexy points when she asks "whats wrong with euthanasia? i thought there were plenty of young people in china"

- lack of confidence
it doesn't matter how good you look if you cover it up with sweaters, sweatpants, and sunglasses. and being assertive in a conversation is vital to not seeming like a loser who would love to be smacked around and bossed in every situation, and eventually end up dead in some serial killers attic.

- attractive friends
have you ever noticed that groups of people always have the same ratio of attractive to ugly people? its for a reason, if you surround yourself by ugly people, you, by comparison seem much more attractive, and just the opposite is true if you surround yourself with hot people you will probably end up being a wing-man.

- money/power
while only affecting hotness indirectly, no one can deny that it would be much better to have sex with an ugly CEO of a fortune 500 company, than even the HOTTEST of homeless people. (not including the crab situation)

while doesn't seem like that big of a deal, ask yourself. in a blind test, there are 2 girls, one named Brandi and one named Bertha. who are you taking home?

all of these things add up to give you your ugliness index. and depending on your ugliness index you can start rating other people and figuring out where exactly you fit in.  once you've figured out where you fit in, you can decide whether or not you are comfortable at your level and either move up by fixing things about yourself that make you more ugly, or move down by accepting your ugliness and maybe even letting yourself go some more for a little extra OOMPH when it comes to index rating. either way, smile ugly. you aren't alone.
Uploaded 05/15/2011
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